Burning A Jersey 101
Burning a jersey is the sports equivalent to putting naked pictures of your now ex-girlfriend on the Internet. At one point there was love, you were ready to ride or die nWo 4-Life style, now you are filled with hate and rage and want to get back at them for what they did to you.
Dallas Cowboys fans are now burning DeMarco Murray jerseys after he signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. San Francisco 49ers fans turned heel on Colin Kaepernick and burned his jersey earlier this year.
My niner fan uncle burning kaepernick jersey hahahahaha pic.twitter.com/oKjFSmfoTS
— ♊️brendon (@bdiiddy) December 8, 2014
Oh how quickly Joe Montana above was to forget that Kaepernick lead them to a Super Bowl and multiple NFC Championship games. Sports fandom is a what have you done for me lately kinda business, and every time we see a team like the San Francisco Giants winning multiple World Series trophies we are reminded of the deficiencies and lack of winning of our own favorite franchise.
If you are one of those disgruntled fans that is ready to move on to the next shiny object player, here is a a simple step-by-step guide on how to properly burn a jersey:
Step 1: Take off the jersey of your now ex-favorite player in disgust. Timing is key so it helps if said player just lost to the Raiders, threw 5 interceptions, or left to go to another team against your wishes.
Step 2: Get an audience. Nothing helps add fuel to your internal rage like friends, family, and other supporters of your team to cheer and egg you on. Make sure you give a speech about why you hate that player so much and why everyone should join you in the jersey burning session.
Step 3: Fuel. Most jerseys aren’t made like old school Hulkamania shirts that can be disintegrated in two seconds. You are going to need some lighter fluid or gas from the lawn mower canister to get that bad boy up in flames. Plus, you are pouring your emotions into this jersey burning session. You don’t want some little weak ass fire that looks like a bunch of lighters held up at a Nickelback concert. You want this bad boy blazing like you are at Burning Man.
Step 4: FREEDOM! Inside you know that you are the man and that burning that jersey made you badass and awesome.
Here are a 5 examples of disgruntled sports fans from other franchises burning jerseys:
This Raiders fan starts off by saying “JaMarcus Russell you piece of crap” and amazingly that’s being nice compared to what else he says in his jersey burning video. Not that I should be surprised, he is a Raiders fan.
“Giants fans, we need to unite! I’m so sick and tired of Eli Manning”…winning us two Super Bowls. As a rule of thumb, if your quarterback wins you one Super Bowl his jersey is exempt from being burned. If he wins two Super Bowls and might make the Hall of Fame then you just look like an idiot burning his jersey. We get it, Eli Manning takes care of the ball like JR Smith’s shot selection. In sports you’ve got to take the good with the bad, especially when championships are involved.
Shout out to Hot Carl in the #69 Cavs jersey. He knows what’s up. This is a great example of building a “We Hate LeBron James” audience and properly using lighter fluid to make the fire bigger. Oh how these Cavs fans probably wish they still had that LBJ gear.
This Bears fan is a veteran jersey burner as he was wise enough to burn his Jay Cutler jersey in the snow.
This Nuggets fan has some real hate in him. He’s willing to burn his Carmelo Anthony jersey that’s signed by the whole team. As a word to the wise, make sure not to burn down your trailer while burning the jersey.
H/T: CBS Sports via @BDiddly
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