Up until late last night, respected sources around the NHL were reporting that Calgary Flames captain Jarome Iginla had been traded to the Boston Bruins. To my delight, I woke up to find that he was actually traded to the Pittsburgh Penguins for two prospects and a 2013 first round draft pick, joining an already stacked Penguins lineup. How much star power can one team have? We haven’t seen the likes of this since Saved by the Bell star Tiffani Amber Thiessen joined 90210 as jezebel Valerie Malone. If Jarome Iginla is Pittsburgh’s Valerie Malone, what other Penguins would represent the rest of that All-Star cast?
Sidney Crosby as Brandon Walsh (Jason Priestley)
It goes without question that Sidney Crosby is the Penguin’s Brandon Walsh, the clean-cut anchor and moral compass of the team. Can’t you see Sid’s horror upon discovering alcohol was being served at a hockey party? (okay, that’s a bit of a stretch.)
Kris Letang as Dylan McKay (Luke Perry)
He’s brooding, mysterious and definitely has an edge to his game despite his finesse skating style. And like Dylan, I’m guessing Letang pulls in the best talent of all the Penguins.
Tyler Kennedy as David Silver (Brian Austin Green)
Based on his energetic style of play, it’s hard not to imagine Tyler Kennedy tearing up the dance floor at Pittsburgh’s hottest club, just like David Silver did at the Peach Pit After Dark.
James Neal as Steve Sanders (Ian Ziering)
Unfortunately, Pittsburgh no longer has the ultimate Steve Sanders doppelganger in Jordan Staal. But with no factual basis, I’ll give this bro-worthy honor to current Pittsburgh Penguin James Neal. Steve Sanders was the original “Bro” and if the show were on today, he’d definitely be using the phrase “crush it” in every other sentence. I just imagine James Neal can really “crush it”.
Evgeni Malkin as Donna Martin (Tori Spelling)
This is a no brainer simply because their resemblance is uncanny. Have we ever seen Evgeni Malkin and Tori Spelling in the same room? Also, I can only imagine that Malkin is also saving himself for marriage.
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