Pissing away your Super Bowl money

If you’re a fan of any other team outside of the Ravens or the 49ers, the Super Bowl really doesn’t mean much to you other than

1. Crushing beers
2. Pounding wings and pizza
3. Gambling
4. Bitching about how “Super Bowl Monday” should be a national holiday and your lemonhead boss is a jerk for not giving you the day off

For the sake of this post, we’re going to focus on #3, which if unsuccessful, leads to #1 followed by #2 and #4. Gambling on the Super Bowl has been around since the Greeks participated in the first Super Bowl in 1152 AD. This year is no different as there are over thousands of different ways to wager on this game, including the ridiculous prop bets. For those of you that like a little skin in the game, let’s dive into where you should be placing your ducets.

Baltimore Ravens vs San Francisco 49ers -160

The spread on this game (right now) is 49ers -3.5.  That’s a pretty solid line. As game time creeps closer and the money starts burning holes in gamblers’ pockets, I imagine that you’ll be able to get a +4 or a -3 (that -3 is huge if you like the 49ers). Since I think that number is spot-on, I’d rather take the team I think is going to win. Based on what you’ve seen so far, is there anyone that doesn’t think that Colin Kaepernick is the next coming of Super Tecmo Bowl’s QB Eagles? As good of a runner he is, he’s equally as good throwing it. I’d rather have my money on him than Joe Flacco. Flacco looks colorblind. I’m not sure if that’s insensitive these days, but I look at him and I immediately think of Colorblind Vinny Testaverde. You never want to be wagering on Colorblind Vinny Testaverde or his second coming.

Sidenote, you can add John Harbaugh to the “Cradle of Coaches”.  Graduating from Miami University is a golden ticket to football coaching greatness, winning The Apprentice and being a part time blogger.

Under/Over 47.5

Since Kaepernick has taken over, the 49ers have averaged 28.5 points per game. In that same time, Ravens are averaging 23.4 points per game.  Ravens defense ain’t that great, and Torrey Smith gets away for a long tuddy and this one flies over. And no matter what happens, isn’t it a given that the winning Harbaugh runs up the score on the losing Harbaugh?  That’s what I do when I play my brother in Madden, so that applies in real life.

Coin Toss: Heads or Tails

If you bet on this, even I feel sorry for you.  Pretty sure Pete Rose never even bet on the coin toss before. But since you get 50/50 odds, I’ll be taking tails. For whatever reason, more people take heads so you can get better money by taking tails. Seriously, don’t bet this. Back when the Eagles played the Pats, I won the coin toss then lost the next 7 bets on the game. I have problems.

Longest TD of the Game: 45.5 yards – OVER

As I mentioned earlier, Torrey Smith probably gets away at least once and as long as Flacco doesn’t outsmart or outarm himself, this should be six. Additionally, with Kaepernick’s scrambling ability, he could scamper for a long one like he did in that Packers game or as he magically dances away from defenders, someone sneaks behind the defense for an easy TD.

Will there be overtime: – No -1100 YES – +650

In what should be put into Friday trivia, I looked it up how often there has been overtime in the past five years. Take a guess right now. If you said 6.4% of NFL games go to OT, you’d be right. Through the previous 46 (not trying to Roman numeral that) Super Bowls there NEVER has been overtime.  Which means we’re way past due. This is the year. Take tails on the overtime coin toss too.

How many total field goals: 8 or more +5000

Out of all the idiot bets that I’m going to lose this weekend, this is the one I’m most excited for. First off, the 49ers have a kicker that Ray Finkle think sucks. Secondly, if there’s one way to be “that guy” at your Super Bowl party, be the guy openly cheering for field goals. Plus, if you plop $10 on it, at both teams kick four of them, you walk with five hundo. I think I might even make this my lock of the Super Bowl.

Feel free to post your wagers in the comments, or if you bet everything opposite of me, I would not blame you.