Reading between the sports headlines

I’m going to bring back a piece that I did a couple of months ago where I take a look at the headlines from some of the major sports media outlets and tell you what they are really trying to say.

• “Rockies’ Tracy resigns following 98-loss season“. Way to take the high road Jim Tracy. I’m sure this his job was as secure as Nick Saban’s but he wanted to do “what was in the best interest of the club”…because he cares so much and all.
• “Gretzky optimistic about labor talks“. When in doubt just ask the great one what he thinks and call it news.
• “Georgia LB Robinson: House egged after loss“. Never question which conference’s fans cares the most. This stuff doesn’t happen when Oregon State loses a game.
• “Marlins Johnson reportedly could be trade bait“. Oh I get it, it’s a play on words because you use bait to catch fish and a marlin is a fish. Boy the media can be cleaver. It’s shocking to see that the Marlins might trade an asset for a bunch of lesser assest. I think I’ve seen that story before.
• “Auriemma seeks to dismiss security guards suit“. Geno wanted to get some strange and wanted the security guard to take off her clothes. Being the most famous college women’s basketball coach has to have some perks, right?
• “Reds fan lives dream in McCovey cove“. Times are tough in Cincinnati if instead of dreaming to be the next person on the moon, or meeting Ken Griffey Jr, or actually going to a Reds road playoff game that he wants to spend it in a kayak freezing his balls of. The bar for dreams in Cincinnati has hit an all time low.