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Google “Rollerblade Jorts” and this happens

rollerblade-jortsLast Saturday I was sitting on the couch watching college football when a thought popped into my head, “I wonder what comes up in Google images when I search for “rollerblade jorts”?” Maybe I’ve been watching too much Ridiculousness or maybe I’ve been subconsciously dreaming about my old pair of Zetra’s or Bauer’s. Regardless the reason, I needed to find out what was behind this door. Little did I know the amazing goodness that it would produce and how the sports world would yet again find a way into the conversation.

Here is a gallery of the 9 best images that appear when you Google “rollerblade jorts”. Enjoy.

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This is the very first image that appears when you Google “rollerblade jorts”. This means that you are looking at the Joe Montana of jorterblading. The top dawg (and yes, he uses dawg). The one that everyone strives to be.

Sometimes in life someone can be so cool and awesome that you need to make a statue of him. This guy needs a statue. He’s rocking jorts, rollerblades with the stoppers on AND a Canadian flag decal, blading gloves, a fanny pack, white socks, and a bandana to keep his hair out of his eyes. He looks like he could be in a commercial for Vidal Sassoon mousse.

You’d think that this is as good as “rollerblading jorts” would get. But thankfully that is not the case.

via CrushAble

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Had I thought long and hard about it I should have guessed that early 90’s Andre Agassi would find his way on here. Even Kevin McHale thinks that those nut hugging jorts are a bit aggressive. Agassi’s mane looks like it came from a lion.

via Tumblr

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…and speaking of manes. Yes, this is a real person living on earth. He looks like he’d root for Georgia Tech.

via Ebaumsworld

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Even back then all of Favre’s friends thought it was strange when he tried to take a picture of his junk with a cordless phone.

The biggest day in Brett Favre’s life when he was about to realize his dream of playing in the NFL by being drafted and this is what he chose to wear. Bravo!

Haters gonna hate but I do have to give Favre credit for one thing. He’s a Bucco’s fan, just look at that poster on the wall. All you bandwagoners best be steppin off.

via SomethingAwful

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And the world of sports keeps on crushing it with “rollerblade jorts”. Who knew that David Stern had that target demo in his marketing plans.

It’s nice to know that I’ll never forget that Josh Harrellson’s nickname is jorts. That does assume, of course, that I see him on the court. With the NBA Champion Miami Heat, Harrellson appeared in only 31 minutes over 6 games and gave them a hard fought 10 points.

Let’s back up for a second though. His favorite player is Dwight Howard? This pictures is from just 2 years ago and at that time Howard was still acting like a bitch. How could that be his favorite athlete? Also, since when do NBA players tell you who their favorite athlete is? Is this Sports Illustrated for Kids?

via Tumblr

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This dude looks like a cross between Gordon Bombay and Corey Feldman. He is so hardcore that he doesn’t even use two of the same rollerblades. He’s opted to trade one in for an ice skate. Ball so hard. After he’s done skateblading he hops into his Miatta with the top down and cruises down the A1A heading for Beachfront Ave to get some sherbert.

via KiteBroding (yes, a site for Bro’s that like to Kite)

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Next to this picture in Google it said, “anyone else into rollerblading?” I don’t think that there’s a niche out there that is as cool and aggressive as rollerblade jorters.

Dice in the mirror. Check. Two thumbs in jeans pockets while giving a “you wish you were me” look. Check. Two tattoos for street cred. Check. Black wrist bands for peacocking. Check. Rebellious t-shirt without sleeves that shows you are a motha f’n badass. Check.

via Xerq

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Just your typical SEC fan double coolering it at the lake house where they keep their four wheelers, getting ready to watch the football Jesus Nick Saban lead Bama to another victory. What better way to get mentally prepared than to put on a backwards hat, jorts, and your unbuckled rollerblades. Roll Tide!

via MangoandGinger

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Just when I thought that “rollerblade jorts” couldn’t keep on giving any more it provided one last gem that takes this to a whole new level. This most certainly is a picture of Troy Aikman, Jim Kelly, Bernie Kosar, Warren Moon, Dan Marino, Randall Cunningham, Bubby Brister (yes, Bubby freaking Brister), and Chris Jim Everett rocking Zubaz. I feel like I just watched Usual Suspects for the first time and just found out that Verbal was Keyser Soze. How did this picture happen?

Let’s take out the fact that all of these quarterbacks are rocking Zubaz. It was an amazingly awesome fashion trend. You’re telling me that if you had millions of dollars and these things were cool at the time that you wouldn’t be rocking them at the club and everywhere you could? Please. I’d have freaking Zubaz sheets and towels.

But let’s get to the real heart of this picture. How did Bubby Brister get in there? Let’s break this down so you can really see it.

  • Troy Aikman: 1st overall pick, multiple Super Bowls victories
  • Jim Kelly: went to four straight Super Bowls, 14th pick overall
  • Bernie Kosar: 1st overall pick
  • Warren Moon: threw for like 10 million yards
  • Dan Marino: first round pick, 2nd most passing yards in NFL history
  • Randall Cunningham: one of the most electric quarterbacks in NFL history
  • Bubby Brister: 3rd round pick. Best season was in 90′ with the Steelers when they went 9-7 and he threw for 2725 yards, 20 TD’s and 14 INT’s.
  • Jim Everett: 3rd overall pick.

Damn Bubby Brister had a good agent.

via Rivals

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Founder/Editor-in-Chief
Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.
Rob Cressy

@robcressy

Creator of @BaconSports & @HeyCressMedia. @SecondCityChiTC alum kicking it at @1871Chicago. Usually awesome, always watching sports. Snapchat: baconsports
Rob Cressy

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