Guys, we got some really important news earlier this week! Big Sean will be the halftime performer at this year’s Thanksgiving game in Detroit. Obviously the football gods were smiling down on us when that decision was made. It’s pretty special stuff.
Unfortunately, the NFL’s track record of Thanksgiving shows is less than thrilling. Remember that time Mariah Carey performed in Detroit in 2005? Look, I love me some Mimi, but she’s about the last person I’d want revving up my hometown crowd before the start of the second half. Here are five other awesomely bad Thanksgiving halftime shows of years past.
1. Jonas Brothers
Seriously? In 2008, Jerryworld was taken over by three teenage boys wearing purity rings. This was basically a slap in the face to the Cowboys fans on hand that fateful day. The only thing I can think of that’s worse would be Hanson playing the Super Bowl halftime show. “MMMBop.”
Despite an aggressive petition to have them removed from the halftime slate, Nickelback did indeed perform in Detroit in 2011. And, yes, it was just as bad as you’d expect. “Look at this photograph!”
3. Jesse McCartney
Once again, seriously? Can anyone even name a Jesse McCartney song?
4. Selena Gomez
In 2013, the Cowboys seemed to think it was a good idea to have Selena Gomez perform. They’re just lucky this game didn’t take place in Oakland, where the fans in the Black Hole would’ve probably thrown full beer cans at her.
Creed in 2001 rivals Nickelback in 2011 for all-time worst halftime show. Scott Stapp wore a Cowboys jersey and sneakers. I just had a flashback to that one and now Creed’s craptastic songs will be stuck in my head for the next six days. Ugh.
Clearly we’ve had some duds perform the halftime shows on America’s favorite stuff your face day. Unfortunately, I don’t see that trend ending. I’m just hoping for a Biebs cameo at some point in the near future. In the meantime, let’s hope Big Sean brings the heat! But wait, how are they going to edit “I Don’t F**k with You” on live TV? Hmm.