So, who got screwed over by Baylor and Iowa State last week, huh? If you’re anything like me, you were screaming obscenities at your TV as your bracket was busted within hours of the start of March Madness. The first week was whirlwind of upsets, lopsided victories and downright nail biters, or in other words, exactly what we want when the calendar hits March.
As I watched the madness unfold, I started playing a game with myself called, “If this team were a celeb, who would it be?” As you can imagine, there were some gems. Here are some highlights of the first and second rounds:
Iowa State – JaMarcus Russell
Oh, JaMarcus Russell. What is there to say about JaMarcus other than “bust?” That’s kind of how I feel about Iowa State. They were all hype and no substance. Entering a three seed and losing a heartbreaker to a fourteen seed in the first round does nothing to dissuade me from the assumption that you just don’t have it. Sorry, Cyclones.
Iowa – Toni Basil
After rolling to an easy 31-point victory over Davidson in the first round, Iowa looked like a serious contender. Then, they completely crapped the bed, losing by nineteen to Gonzaga in round two. Coming out strong and then sputtering out like the sequel to Mortal Kombat makes you a one-hit wonder, and Toni Basil is among the best one-hit wonders of all time for “Mickey,” everyone’s favorite cheerleader anthem. Maybe Toni will cheer for Iowa now that no one else gets to?
Wichita State – Mark Ruffalo
Wichita State is an interesting one. They’ve been the underdog. They’ve been the favorite. Bottom line is, they are reliable, fundamentally sound and, at times, brilliant (where was that brilliance against Notre Dame?!). They are the Mark Ruffalo of March Madness. Who would’ve thought they’d knock out Kansas in the second round? This is why we love March Madness!
Kentucky – Daniel Day-Lewis
I acknowledge this is going to look stupid if Kentucky loses at some point, but right now they are looking like the Daniel Day-Lewis of the tournament. It seems like every time the dude makes a movie, he wins an Oscar. Similarly, every time Kentucky takes the court, they cannot be stopped. You want proof? They’re enjoying an undefeated season thus far and just demolished West Virginia by a million. Aaaaaand I’ve just jinxed them and my bracket. Crap!
Duke – Clint Eastwood
I think we can all acknowledge that Duke has talent. They’re pretty much a March Madness staple. But seriously, is anyone else totally bored of them at this point? That’s pretty much how I feel about Clint Eastwood these days. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a legend, but c’mon, how many American war movies can you make, brah? Much respect for Clint as a filmmaker and Duke as a basketball program, but I’d like to see some fresh meat in the near future.
Since that was only five of the sixty four teams that competed in the NCAA tournament, let me know which celebs remind you of your teams! I’d love to hear your feedback. Holla at us on Facebook or Twitter @BaconSports with the celeb you think perfectly represents your team and why. Bonus points for finding two teams that could be Kimye!