Halloween is my Christmas. Next to Super Bowl Sunday, there’s isn’t a better day in the year. You get to do and say whatever you like all while wearing a ridiculous costume. It’s like SNL for normal people!
Speaking of people doing and saying whatever they like whilst wearing costumes, NFL players tend to do that, huh? I bet they’d love Halloween! It’s not really a departure from the norm. Here are 5 NFL Halloween costume ideas that totally need to happen this year:
1. Nate Burleson – Pizza Delivery Man
Last year we all learned that Nate loves pizza. So much so that he couldn’t even wait for his local pizza house to deliver it to him, he had to get it himself. We all know how that ended up for good ol’ Nate. Given his affinity for pizza, and his unfortunate experience with a sliding pizza box in a moving vehicle, I’d love to see Nate as a Papa John’s delivery man. What would make it even more amazing would be if Peyton and The Papa popped in, rocking out to some badass 80s tunes in a DeLorean. Make it happen, Nate! America needs it!
2. Johnny Manziel – a Bench
Unless you’ve been living under Vince Wilfork’s butt for the past 6 weeks, you know Cleveland has a new number one son, and it’s not Johnny Football. While Brian Hoyer is enjoying Lebron James-esque levels of fandom in Cleveland, Johnny Manziel is making amazing Snickers commericals and riding the bench. So, what better for him to be on all Hallow’s Eve than just that, a bench? It would probably be the most talked about bench on the internet. I can see the hashtag now. #JohnnyBench. Except I’m pretty sure the former Reds catcher would have something to say about having his name attached to America’s favorite frat boy.
3. Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount – Cheech and Chong
As furious as I still am about Bell and Blount’s now infamous weed arrest, I can honestly say this costume would kill it at any Halloween party. It just works. Two boneheaded running backs get stopped on a major Pittsburgh road for suspicion of weed possession. And, oh yeah, they’re on their way to meet the team at the airport to fly to Philly for a preseason game. Are you kidding me? The least they can do is reward us all for having to witness their dumbness by dressing up as arguably the most famous stoners in pop culture history.
4. Joseph Randle – Security Guard
Wealthy NFL backup RB walks into Dillard’s and leaves with undies and cologne. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Well, not unless you’re Joseph Randle of the Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones must be so proud of his boys! First, Dez gets kicked out of a shopping plaza for wearing his pants lower than a dude in a 90s Sprite ad. Then, this genius shoplifts underpants and cologne from Dillard’s. At least hit up Neiman’s or Saks, bro. What a rook. I’d love to see him be irony in the flesh as a security guard for Halloween. Too soon? It’s never too soon for shoplifting jokes.
5. Kyle Orton – Grizzly Bear
Nobody does neck beard like Kyle Orton. Nobody. The term was basically invented for him. There would be no better way to celebrate that unique quality than for him to dress up as a grizzly bear and take the time to really grow out the neck beard for authenticity. It would be so convincing! If you do this, Kyle, I will add you to my fantasy roster and never use you. Ever. It’s a win-win.
In anticipation for the upcoming holiday, those are 5 NFL Halloween costumes I’d love to see players bust out. Not only are they full of irony (or in Bell and Blount’s case, lack thereof), they just work. Who wouldn’t want to see Kyle Orton embrace his inner beast and finally acknowledge the ungodly ferret dangling from his chin and extending to his chest? Admit it, you’d retweet that.
Let us know which NFL Halloween costumes you’d love to see players pull off in the comments section or on Twitter @BaconSports.