Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.
Also, don’t forget to check out Rob and Taina’s weekly Fresh n Stunna Podcast. They dish sports absurdity with a random goofiness unlike anyone else.
Q: Is there an age limit to when it’s no longer acceptable for dudes to rock ear rings? I dug rocking them with my platinum tips and cargos back in college.
A: Wait, dudes still wear earrings?
Q: Did you hear about that Vodka Samm chick that blew a .341, tried to walk on the field during pre-game of the Northern Illinois/Iowa game, and got thrown in the clink? Did she win college?
A: Definitely heard about her. I think it’s hilarious and I’d like to possibly be friends with her for a weekend, but I don’t think she wins college, I just think she wins Iowa.
Anyone trying to walk on field, drunk or sober, is hilarious. So alcohol aside I commend her for that. But it really is not that hard to blow a .341. “Are you high, Taina? It’s impossible to blow a .3 and not be dead!” —False. Buy yourself a breathalyzer. I got it as a Secret Santa gift last year and it completely changed my life. On a drunk level of 1 – Patrick Kane, you’re blowing a Jeff Reed in about three hours and then before you know it it’s at .31 and you wonder why you are still out.
Buy it. I’m not kidding, it’s amazing. Also, I can’t tell you how easy it is to pick up guys when you pull your breathalyzer out of your purse at a bar. You’re welcome, ladies.
Q: You meet an awesome dude but you find out that he’s a die hard Browns fan. Is this a deal breaker? Would you rather he not like football at all?
A: Both of these options are deal breakers. Not liking football at all is the number one reason for me to never want to talk to you again.
Being a Browns fan is top three on that same list. And no disrespect to actual die-hard Browns fans, you have to deal with the cards you were dealt. And those cards mean your team being shipped to Baltimore overnight and then watching them win the Super Bowl less than 15 years later. I am a Cubs fan so I understand the loser mentality.
But let me get this clear, I lived in Cleveland for an unfortunate few years, and I would rather sell my soul to Ray Lewis than ever ever go back ever. 9 out of 10 times I got in arguments with Cleveland fans about sports, the person I was arguing with knew absolutely nothing about their team’s history, their roster, their management, etc. I do not respect fans like that. I don’t care what team you root for.
What makes it worse is that I am a girl, and when a girl ends up knowing more than you about your own team the discussion turns into a full blown argument (Time out– did I ever tell you about the dude Colts fan at the Steelers/Colts game last year that tried to take a swing at me? True story). I typically don’t judge entire fan bases off a few stereotypes because I’m a Steelers fan so I know first hand what that feels like, by my quick stint in Cleveland completely trashed your image to me personally.
Q: How did your fantasy football draft go? Give us the scoop on who you got.
A: My drafts went decent and I’m fairly okay with both teams. Here are some of the highlights:
Auction Draft Team: Tom Brady, Texans Defense, Reggie Wayne, AJ Green, Stevan Ridley, Alshon Jeffery, Tony Gonzalez.
Snake Draft Team: Tom Brady, Bears Defense, Eddie Lacy, Wes Welker, Jimmy Graham, Isaac Redman, Torrey Smith.
Q: Rank these quarterbacks: Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Russell Wilson, Colin Kaepernick, Andrew Luck, RG3
A: Woof. This is a tough one.
1. Ben Roethlisberger
2. Eli Manning
3. Andrew Luck
4. Colin Kaepernick
6. Russell Wilson
Ben is 31 now (I’m crying inside) but he’s a proven QB. Eli is a great athlete and a great quarterback, no question, but I think he may be a tad bit overrated considering who else is on the market right now. And also, stats don’t lie, and Ben’s winning stats are more favorable than Eli’s at this point in both careers and Eli is one year older. Also, if you want me to take this to a personal level, Eli cried to his dad to get out of playing in San Diego and that is just a huge joke.
Q: What are your thoughts on dudes with multiple visible tattoos? Is there a certain location that would disqualify someone from being a potential suitor of yours? Like lips on the side of the neck or writing across the knuckles.
A: Honestly, I love tattoos. They’re one of my weaknesses. Lips on the side of your neck is dumb. So is anything barbwire, so apologies to any guys who thought it was cool in the early 90s. But I’m down to clown otherwise.
Best tattoo I ever saw was this bartender at a place downtown who had Abraham Lincoln’s face on his forearm just because. It was hilarious.
Q: Give us three random athletes.
A: 1. Darrell Armstrong (Fun fact of the day: I have a signed Darrell Armstrong jersey)
2. Jim McMahon
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