Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason. Follow her tweets at @TainaMolina.
You can submit your “Ask a Sports Chick” questions here. We’ll be doing this as a weekly piece so we definitely want to hear what you’ve got.
Q: I was at a charity event for Scottie Pippen’s Foundation and noticed tons of ample breasted, short skirt wearing jersey chasers. What’s the deal with those chicks?
A: Jersey chasers have a lot of things going on and have tons of issues. They desire a reputation that can only be satisfied by an athlete’s D, social status, and sometimes their paycheck. Don’t bother trying to figure them out because they really don’t care what you or I think anyway. Ironically, they don’t know shit about the actual sports or players that they chase. It’s merely a sense of empowerment for them… or something like that.
And as a side note, they are part of the reason that girls like myself, who live and dream sports, stats and team history, will never be taken seriously. End rant.
Q: Are there such things as girls that dig fantasy sports (like the way dudes do) and if so where do I find them?
A: They exist! Sports bars that are NOT trendy and NOT downtown – trust me on that. They tend to sit and actually watch the game, never getting distracted by anything around them. Look for note pads so they can track stats and listen for the ESPN SportsCenter App ‘ding’. When you find them, make sure they have teeth. Also, only approach during commercials or time-outs.
Note: sports chicks TYPICALLY hang out with other sports chicks. Find one. Meet their friends. Boom. You’re welcome. Just make sure their team names don’t completely blow because that is just embarrassing.
Q: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months and I’m going to be going to Vegas with a group of guys. My girlfriend isn’t happy about this and assumes that I’m going to cheat on her since most of my friends are single and will stick their dick in anything. Nothing I say will convince her that I’m not going to cheat on her. Whats a brotha to do? Since I’m going to get blamed for cheating on her anyways should I just do it and at least get the benefit of getting some strange?
A: Listen, I’m a firm believer in respect, but also on being a normal human being and not bat-shit crazy. The more you try to convince her, the more you are going to resent the situation. And honestly, the fact that you have to try to convince your girlfriend to trust you? It has only been six months, just stop while you’re ahead because it is not looking good. Go have fun and whatever happens…Meh, it’s Vegas.
Q: Is there any circumstance in which it is OK to propose to your girlfriend at a sporting event?
A: If your girlfriend is me, then it is 150% OK, appreciated, and a dream come true. I’m now accepting applications.
Don’t do it if she doesn’t love sports. And by ‘love’ I mean completely obsessed. Do your research before you ruin your own life.
Don’t do it if there is a chance she says no. Because then you are humiliated in front of tens of thousands of people in an attempt to get married (which sucks in itself) and your girlfriend probably hates your and/or you are now single.
Q: I live with my girlfriend and virtually every night I watch Sportscenter before going to bed. Sometimes I get lucky and she wants to practice making babies before going to sleep. Is it OK for me to occasionally glance up at the TV while we are doing it to check out the scores? What if they are showing highlights of DeAndre Jordan’s crazy dunk over Brandon Knight? I can’t look away from that.
A: Chances are both of these things are on your “top three favorite things” list– am I right? It’s okay to glance up at SportsCenter because chances are she doesn’t even notice. This is not an issue until she brings it to your attention. You don’t feel bad, so please don’t pretend to.
OTHER ARTICLES YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: