In case anyone reading this just got out of a coma, Halloween was last Thursday. This is one of my favorite times of the year, for many reasons. Hockey and basketball have started back up, baseball has just crowned a champion and now I can go back to ignoring it until next September, and athletes always bring the heat when it comes to Halloween costumes. Look at Johnny Manziel’s costume from last year. That was the moment I knew that I’d enjoy riding on the Johnny Football bandwagon.
Thanks to the internet, now we can all share in the joys that come from multi-millionaires dressing up just like the rest of us. The costumes really run the gamut, from spot-on, to obviously lame, to my favorite: unintentionally hilarious. Let us all revel in the glory of Halloween 2013: Athlete Edition.
Lou Williams, Atlanta Hawks, Joker
Sweet Lou really starts things off right! The more I look at this picture, the more I’m convinced this isn’t actually Lou Williams, but probably Aziz Ansari telling everyone he’s dressed up as Lou Williams dressed up as the Joker. The mix of comics-style Joker suit and Chris Nolan-style makeup is absolutely adorable, as well as going the extra mile to wear a wig. Why is it a blond wig? No idea, but it’s awesome!
That’s where so many athlete costumes go off course, forgetting to complete the look. Everything about this costume is perfect. Also, the Joker connection even makes sense! Williams is a great improviser, slasher, and has killed at least half a dozen fantasy teams. Every athlete should look at this as a model of how to win Halloween.
Serge Ibaka, Oklahoma City Thunder, Prince Akeem
Ibaka’s costume game is probably as good as his weak side defense. Little details, like the classic white puff-ball on the hat, and the tell-tale McDowell’s Golden Arcs on the uniform do it for me. The dedication of carrying around a mop all Halloween cannot be overlooked, either.
This costume also probably caused between 10 and 500 people to recognize it, but not know from where. Any costume that can be a conversation starter is great in my book. Coming to America is an amazing movie, and referencing it earns major nostalgia points. One little drawback, I would’ve loved to see Ibaka shave the goatee and go with the Eddie Murphy 80’s mustache, but that for my own edification and entertainment.
Tom Brady, New England Patriots, Cowardly Lion
Now I’m not going to fault anyone for doing a couples costume with their significant other, especially if your significant other regularly dresses like this. But Tom, couldn’t you have at least been the Tinman? Come on, you’re an NFL quarterback. Dressing up like the Cowardly Lion during the season just begs to be billboard material for the rest of the year.
I’m pretty sure at this point in his life he’s playing with house money, and he can do whatever he wants, but I would think he would put a tiny bit more thought into this costume. That being said, the costume is quality, and I’m sure Mrs. Brady had no complaints.
Now this is just terrifying. This was probably my biggest nightmare growing up, Jason with Freddy Krueger arms. However, this costume also screams last-minute to me. No machete, no bloodied jacket, not even a cricket bat to try to play it off as Casey Jones. I’m pretty sure Durant could go completely all-out for Halloween, to the point where he could rent out a summer camp and terrify teens pretty much year-round.
This costume pales in comparison to his teammate Ibaka’s, and he should be ashamed. Durant is the unquestioned leader of the Thunder, he needs to be bringing his “A” costume game every time, and he just didn’t do that this year. I blame Westbrook’s absence due to injury; Russell would’ve demanded that Kevin step up his costume several notches.
Brandon Weeden, Cleveland Browns, Waldo
Some things clearly are preordained. I don’t know if Weeden isn’t aware of social media, or just believes that someone wouldn’t post a picture of him on the internet, but whatever his motives, he still decided to show up on Halloween as Waldo. Perhaps he thought he’d be able to hide, just like he disappears time and time again on Sundays.
The costume actually works, and he seems to pull it off well. It’s just the complete lack of self-awareness on his part that totally takes this costume up a level. I’m sure some fan in Cleveland is looking at this picture right now and putting their fist through a wall. And this about sums up what it’s like to root for Cleveland. This picture should be awarded the title of Most Cleveland Browns Thing Ever. Happy Halloween, everyone!
Matt Brockway spends way too much time on the internet, follow him on twitter @subtlehyperbole.
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