The Juice is loose! That’s right, the Chocolate Diamond himself, Mr. Le’Veon Bell, just dropped a mixtape, because that’s what pro athletes do when they have too much money. See: Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal and Tony Parker. I mean, what else did he have to do when he was rehabbing his Vontaze Burfict-induced MCL tear?
I’ve now listened to approximately 45 seconds of said mixtape and am currently lamenting the fact that I can never get that 45 seconds of life back. Sorry, L. Bell. I love you, but stick to football. Here are five athletes I’d like to see rap, though:
1. Dennis Rodman
This one is a no-brainer. Not only does Rodman have an interesting backstory, but he’s also crazy AF. Drama and madness make for good rap songs. I think he’d actually be legit.
2. Cristiano Ronaldo
Portuguese is a beautiful language. If Tony Parker can rap in French, who’s to say soccer’s most beautiful physical specimen can’t do it in Portuguese? I feel like he’d have a Kanye-esque ego in the rap game.
3. Vontaze Burfict
If only just to make fun of him for how much he’d probably suck at it. You think I’m still bitter from the Steelers-Bengals fallout?
4. Chandler Jones
A play-by-play of the night he smoked synthetic weed and wigged out in front of a police station would make for a great rap song, much to the chagrin of Belichick. Just saying.
5. Eli Manning
We got a small taste of his mad skillz in his DirecTV commercial with Peyton, and it was glorious. Nothing beats that deadpan delivery. I have a feeling his lyrical themes include being the forgotten son and living in his brother’s shadow. It’s OK, Eli. You can throw three times as far as your bro!
Those are the athletes I wish would release mixtapes of their own. Sorry, Steph Curry, this is probably the only top 5 list you’re not going to make this year. There are only so many words that rhyme with swish. So which athletes rap skills would you like to see in the top 5? Hit us up on Snapchat @baconsports or in the comments.