Sports

Bacon isn’t just for breakfast any longer: the sequel

By April 12, 2013 No Comments
bacon-candle-mouthwash

bacon-candle-mouthwashMy very first article for Bacon Sports chronicled some of the unique bacon products that were in the market place, and just like the Pittsburgh Penguins in the month of March bacon continues to bring it.

Remember the days when you and your friends you used to get out the old magic eight ball and ask it pertinent life questions like does Sarah Farfenmiller like me, am I cool like Milli Vanilli, and should I get a haircut like Vanilla Ice? Well move over eight ball there is a new clairvoyant in town. Say hello to fortune telling bacon. Bacon is like Bo Jackson climbing the wall or busting off a fifty yard run. Its greatness has no limits. Want to know if you got sizzle like Terrell Suggs? Is your wardrobe spicy like Craig Sager’s? Just place a slice into the palm of your hand and depending on which way it moves bacon will tell you wassup.

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Ever stagger into the bathroom after a night of stylin and profilin like the Nature Boy Ric Flair trying to get the smell of jagerbombs off your breath wishing the mouthwash you were using didn’t taste like a bunch of chemicals? What if tasted like bacon?

I thought we were going to get the answers to those questions when Scope launched a commercial on Youtube for bacon mouthwash only to find out later they were punking us. Shame on you Proctor & Gamble, how dare you toy with our bacon loving emotions in such cruel way. Who do you think you are, Ashton Kutcher? Well you are not, there will be no Demi Moore rolling around in a pile of money on your bed. We don’t need you anyway when we got bacon toothpaste and floss, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Recently I was dragged into a Yankee Candle store by my lady. This was as excruciating as a nineteen inning baseball game which ends with the backup catcher pitching. She had to open every jar and take a giant sniff like she was Darryl Strawberry. The scents ranged from melon margarita to red velvet cake. They even have line of man candles that debuted last year for father’s day which included one called first down which featured the smells of orange, patchouli, vetiver and leather. This year they build on that brand with their soon to be released MMM…Bacon! Candle. The masculine blend of spices, woods and musk got me as excited as Dickie V at sleepover at Coach K’s house. Can’t wait to turn off the lights, crack open a cold one and watch sports with the succulent aroma.

Whether it is in the form of meat, liquid, or scent nothing beats bacon. There is an endless possibility of options. Bacons future is so bright it has to wear shades.

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@thesportsjudge

Pittsburgh Sports fan, retired sumo wrestler and hopefully a future reality TV star. All about the bacon, I bring it home daily.