Sports

Bad gambling beats from last Sunday’s NFL games

By December 5, 2012 No Comments
lauren tannehill and dog

As your resident compulsive gambler for Bacon Sports, I feel compelled to make you all aware of what this Sunday will forever temporarily be known as from here on out – Bad Beat Sunday. For all of you who choose to be fiscally responsible, let me explain what we mean by “Bad Beat” – A bad beat is when the team you bet on is covering, typically comfortably for most of the game, when a turn of unexpected events in the final minutes/seconds lead to you being on the losing end. Most times, you’ve already decided how you’re going to spend your winnings before a bad beat strikes. And this Sunday, there were plenty of bad beats.

Seattle Seahawks +4 @ Chicago Bears: Final – Seahawks 23-17

The Bears led this game from the start, doing typical Chicago Bears things, like playing good defense and not really scaring anyone with their offense. After a Bears punt was downed at the Seattle 3, it was up to rookie QB Russ Wilson to take his team 97 yards in 3:40 against the “Monsters of the Midway”. Typically, you’d feel pretty good about the Bears D doing Bears D things like forcing mistakes and make rookie QBs look like Rex Grossman. Instead Wilson took the ‘Hawks down the field for the leading score. After a prayer of a completion to Brandon Marshall led to a tying FG (and renewed Bears hope), the Seahawks won the toss and took the ball down the field again for the game winning TD. So much hope, so much disappointment. But since this only killed a push, it’s not as bad as the rest of the games on this list.

Bad Beat Equal to: Rashaan Salaam’s career with the Bears. As a rookie he rushed for 1,000 yards, but in subsequent years, he had a case of fumbleitis and smokeweeditis  and he ultimately disappointed all Bears fans.

Indianapolis Colts +5 @ Detroit Lions: Final – Colts 33-31

With a commanding 33-20 lead with 4:02 left, Lions backers had to feel pretty good about their cover. Even the proverbial garbage TD would still keep them in the green. As Andy Luck has been prone to do, he took his Colts down the field promptly for a TD. After Jim Schwartz called a typical clock-killing drive (3 halfback dives right into the ass of a guard), the Colts got the ball back with 1:07 and no timeouts left needing to go 75 yards. As Andy Luck has been prone to do, he took his Colts down the field promptly for a TD – on 4th and 11 with no time left on the clock – and Lion bettors had to tear up their now losing tickets.

Bad Beat Equal to: How about the obvious, the Lions drafting Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers, Roy Williams (not the UNC coach, but the guy who played football pretty poorly) and Mike Williams between 2002 and 2005. If you combined all those players into one, they still would suck.

Cleveland Browns @ Oakland Raiders +3: Final – Browns 20-17

This isn’t so bad, because if you were sitting on a Browns ticket, you still pushed, instead of lost, but holy hell should you ever be pissed off. After driving the ball down the field for a TD, which should be celebrated vigorously by Browns fans, Cleveland backers had to be pleased with the situation they were sitting in. Up 10, 3:27 to go, crappy Carson Palmer in charge of leading a scoring drive? Basically a guaranteed winner. Except in this case, as Palmer put on his best Joe Montana face, hitting Brandon Myers six times on the drive, including the cover-killing TD with ONE F’ING SECOND LEFT. There was no need for that play to even happen, but with the Browns breaking out the champagne for finally winning on the road, Palmer was padding his stats and not padding bettors’ pockets.

Bad Beat Equal to: Being a Browns fan is a bad enough beating. Remember when the Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns? And now the Cleveland Browns are the Cleveland Browns. Ouch.

New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins +7.5 (or up to 9, depending on where you bet it): Final – Pats 20-13

Laying more than a TD on the road is never a good idea in the NFL, but if you chose to ride Tom Brady, you had to feel good about the spot you were in. Pats up 10, 1:10 to go, 80 yards to go, no timeouts for rookie QB Ryan Tannehill, this one should have been good as gold as there’s no way the Dolphins can cover that much ground in that little time even with no defense on the field. Two 28 yard completions sandwiching a spike, idiot Dolphins coach Joe Philbin decided to send his kicker out on second down with :30 left to kick a 42 yard field goal. Of course Dan Carpenter drills it dead center, which meant that your Pats cover is now (in the words of Ace Ventura) loooou-hooo-seeer. Just watch the video for full effect.

I guess the thinking of getting the FG sooner so you can possibly recover an onside kick and throw a Hail Mary rather than pulling a Carson Palmer gives you a better chance to win, but I don’t give a shit when it kills my cover. Here’s a picture of Tannehill’s smoking hot wife.

lauren tannehill and dog

Bad Beat Equal to: Andy Katzenmoyer going off the reservation, literally. Just straight up walking out of camp. If there ever was a guy who scientists are going to find out have ice cream brains because of football, “The Destroyer” will set the new standard.

Arizona Cardinals +4.5 @ New York Jets: Final – Jets 7-6

First and foremost, if you watched this game, you deserve some sort of medal, plus a new remote, and a set of new eyeballs because you probably couldn’t change the channel and consequentially dunked your open eyes in bleach trying to end the misery. In any case, after Greg McElroy relieved Mark Sanchez of his own personal QB hell, the Jets actually started moving the ball.

With a 7-6 lead, and trying to run the clock out, the Jets got it down to the Cards 6 yard line at the two minute warning. Next play, Shonn Greene, disappointing in so many other ways, took a handoff, ran towards the wide open end zone (with Jets backers waiting to embrace him with a winning ticket)…and then fell down. Took a knee at the one. With no timeouts left for the Cards to stop the clock, McElroy took 3 knees and Jets fans continued their season long Sanchizing. Gross.

Bad Beat Equal to: How about having to decide whether to start Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow or Greg McElroy? Is there a worse collection of quarterbacks in the league? Oh yeah, the team that was on the beneficial side of Greene’s laydown. The Cards’ quarterbacks really, REALLY suck.

Philadelphia Eagles +10 @ Dallas Cowboys: Final – Cowboys 38-33

In what was the biggest roller coaster of a gambling game of possibly the season, the Eagles (and I) were on the lucky side of one of the most ass-clownish plays I’ve seen in a while. After the Cowboys returned a fumble for a TD to go up 11, things looked bright for Cowboy bettors. They got the ball back with 1:52, just looking to run out the clock and count their lucky stars/dollars. After running a typical clock-killing drive (3 halfback dives right into the ass of a guard), the Cowboys sent their punter, Brian Moorman, out to boom one to the end zone. Instead of putting it in the end zone, Damaris Johnson of the Eagles fielded that sucker at the two and returned it 98 yards untouched for the ultimate backdoor cover. Where the F was all the Cowboys coverage men? Couldn’t one guy push him out of bounds? If you were a Cowboys backer, I wouldn’t have blamed you for running out on the field and tackling Damaris yourself. What an infuriating way to lose a cover. One of the worst I’ve ever seen in football.

Bad Beat Equal to: In between Troy Aikman and Tony Romo, the following individuals have started at quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys: Steve Walsh, Babe Laufenberg (wasn’t he the guy who had the fishing show on ESPN on weekend mornings?), Steve Beuerlein, “Weekend at” Bernie Kosar’s, Jason Garrett (worse QB than coach, if possible), Rodney Peete, Wade Wilson, Randall Cunningham, Anthony Wright, Quincy Carter (always good to draft a QB with bipolar), Ryan Leaf (pass), Clint Stoerner, Chad Hutchinson, Vinny Testaverde, Drew Henson and Drew Bledsoe. I think my favorites are the Babe, Peete because of his hot wife and Stoerner.

First Thursday Night Game in December LOCK of the Year: Denver Broncos @ Oakland Raiders +10.5

Look, I feel dirtier taking the Raiders than that time I slept with Dennis Rodman in a wedding dress. But a double-digit underdog, at home, in a division game, on a Thursday night, with the hook on a backdoor number like 10…you almost are obliged to take the Raiders. You don’t often get this scenario, so I’m going to take it. I’m also going to make a small play on the Raiders money line, +500. Maybe Carson catches fire and Peyton is a little tired from Sunday. Just maybe.

-Written by Jim Cook

[Photo Credit to JuanElway.com]

Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.