Some reasons why baseball used to be first:
Steroids were legal and the Red Sox were cursed
Maddux and Clemens had un-aging guns
While Big Mac and Sosa were blasting home runs
Chipper played third while the fans yelled out “Larry!”
And out in the Bay was some slugger named Barry,
“The Kid” roamed in center before he retired,
While the Yanks won with Torre before he was fired.
NOW Baseball is BRUTAL, you will see that I’m right,
Because your least favorite show is Baseball Tonight.
Oh the A’s played the Cards in an interleague thriller?
The Pirates lead the Central? Man that is killer!
An extra inning highlight = my biggest fear,
July and August = worst months of the year.
I’d rather watch “Friends,” where is the clicker?
Or Nascar highlights, that’s even sicker.
Give me sacks and hits and TD passes
End-zone celebrations and cheerleaders’ asses.
Brady vs. Peyton in an AFC rumble,
Or a play simply known as “The butt-fumble.”
I beg you baseball, I’m on my knees,
Nobody wants to hear shit about PED’s.
Suspending the players who are fun to watch?
Thanks a lot Selig your balls hang past your crotch.
How can baseball come back? The answer is simple.
We need huge throbbing heads and back pimples.
500-foot jacks and a home-run chase,
Every player roided off of their face.
Until this happens I’ll turn my head,
And I’ll only watch to sleep in my bed.
I’ll dream of golf, and tennis, or hockey pucks.
Because I officially confirmed that baseball SUCKS.
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