Sports

Best Potential Owners For The Clippers

By April 30, 2014 No Comments
new-clippers-owners

best-potential-clippers-ownersAdam Silver rightfully did what needed to be done with the Donald Sterling disaster and in the process the Clippers are looking for a new owner. I figured I’d help the NBA speed this along by giving them some high profile candidates that would make great potential owners for the Clippers.

Floyd Mayweather

Pretty Boy Floyd was actually the inspiration behind this article. I saw that he already threw his hat in the ring for wanting to buy the Clippers, which is so perfectly him. Floyd won’t be able to do this on his own so he’s gonna need a Super Money Team. Who better to join forces with than an entertainer turned business mogul who used to be Ricky Williams agent and can make em’ say UHH (nah nah nah nah) in Master P plus a Miami Heat court side observer who can fly in any weather in the Birdman. Clippers games would have the street cred of knocking out Debo while dropping it like it’s hot on the court. TMTYMCMB 4 Life!

“The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase

everybody-has-a-price-ted-dibiase

LeBron James

Unless LeBron wins about 10 titles he won’t be seen as the greatest of all time and better than Michael Jordan. It’s just not happening. LeBron knows this and in a move to alter the course of NBA history he decides to buy the Clippers and become the NBA’s first player-owner. Look what saving the Penguins did for Mario Lemieux. He’s a yinzer God. LeBron opts out of his contract with the Heat and teams up with CP3 and Blake Griffin to create the new Big 3. They win countless titles and the team continues to sign top notch free agents because LeBron is playing for the league minimum since he’s getting that owners paper now. After this happens Michael Jordan is an afterthought.

Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens conglomerate

…but…steroids.

Vince McMahon

So that football thing didn’t work out, say hello to the new Bay Boys of the NBA. Everyone loved that 30 for 30 so why not bring a no holds barred replica of the Pistons back to the NBA. If you think that you are getting a layup in the lane, think again. Who better to usher in this new era of Clippers basketball than the man who turned Brock Lesner and the Undertaker into superstars.

Current Clippers player intro’s are OK, but when was the last time a tank rolled out and there was a minute of indoor fireworks? Have Blake Griffin zip line in from the rafters like HBK did at Wrestlemania 12 and then create a TV channel of nothing but Jamal Crawford And 1 moves, DeAndre Jordan posterizations, and lob city dunks. Check please.

Mark Zuckerberg

In the never ending digital battle for our souls what better way to get one step ahead of Google and Apple then to save the team that is the anti-Lakers, more Silicon Valley friendly Clippers from right down the state and become the coolest company in the world to work for. Who wouldn’t want to use court side seats in a beanbag chair as your personal work space? Social media Goliath plus NBA franchise owner has a nice ring to it and can keep the likes coming. Who knows, maybe that would force Microsoft to buy the Bucks and chances are that would turn out as well as the Zune.

I want to hear from you. Who from the world of sports or entertainment would make a great owner of the Clippers. Give me a shout on Twitter @BaconSports or holla in the comments.

BACON, SPORTS, BEER, FUN! OH MY!

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.