The King is Back: How’s My Ass Taste Miami

By July 11, 2014June 18th, 2018No Comments

lebron-james-returning-clevelandThe King is back!!! HOLY FREAKING S**T!! It has been two hours since the news broke that the Berlin Wall came down LeBron James is returning to the Cleveland Cavaliers. I literally can not describe the feeling to you. I cannot settle down. Adrenaline through the roof, body still shaking, cannot sit still, texting and phone calls galore. This has to be what Michael Irvin used to feel like in the middle of cocaine bender. Even without winning anything, this has to be one of the best days in Cleveland sports history!

I was in the gym with my phone on do not disturb getting my swole on Rocky style. I turn on The Herd on my drive home and hear Colin talking about the Cavs as the favorite to win the title and the Heat dropping to 50-1 and Bosh going to sign with Houston. No way. That’s just hypothetical right? Touch my phone to the tune of 30 messages and 5 missed calls. Holy freaking s**t. It just happened! The five-minute drive home was an eternity. I had to check all news sources to make sure it was true. Yep. Throw on my #23 Cavs LBJ jersey and Witness shirt. Blast “I’m Coming Home” on repeat. Pure jubilation.

This has to arguably be one of the best and most important days in the history of Cleveland sports. This type of thing is not supposed to happen to Cleveland, its teams, and fans. The misery and suffering and jokes are well documented. To have this go down is like finding the Holy Grail, marrying Erin Andrews, and getting Bin Laden all in one. This is such a major step for the city towards a long-awaited championship.

Now I know, I am the same guy who said I would not take him back. But funny how things change in a New York minute or 16 months. If LeBron can mend fences with Dan Gilbert, I think I may be able to forgive the best basketball player in the world. I am starving for a championship and will give anything, including my Mo Vaughn autographed card to have my team win one. Seriously. To be completely honest, and this decision certainly sways me, he is a much different player and PERSON, from four years ago. He is bigger, stronger, smarter, and much more mature than he ever was. Evidence in his letter to announce his plans via SI. With a great young nucleus and assets, they can build to create a great thing.

I repelled the idea and thought of this as a possibility because I did not want to get built up and let down yet again. But as the last week unfolded, the idea became a reality as we were seeing more signs than Ace of Base. Chris Broussard channeling his sources and back channels, and Jonah Hill Brian Windhorst kept shooting it down, Stephen A Smith was, well, himself. Hoping for the best internally but telling myself he would not come back the whole week, I was more shocked than the time Josh Gordon did drugs when I heard the news. UN-BE-LIEVABLE!!!!

The economic impact on the city cannot be undervalued in this story, absolutely phenomenal for the city. When I lived in Cleveland during the first LBJ era there was not a better place to be then downtown Cleveland. The downtown landscape was on fire. After every game downtown business were seeing record profits, bars and restaurants were packed and the place to be. Four years later add a casino, strip clubs, the Republican National Convention in ’16, Johnny Manziel, and economic growth and development for the city as a whole, and I could not be happier for the Cleveland and its economy.

Still cannot believe this happened. So this weekend you will see me at the bars, at the pool, really anywhere donned in my LeBron James jersey and Witness t-shirt throwing the Manziel money sign everywhere. I know we have not won a thing, but this is such an enormous day for the city of Cleveland and its fans!

Hey Miami, tell me how my ass tastes.

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Tom Hamm

Tom Hamm

Cleveland sports freak living in Cincinnati who still owns an original Charlotte Hornets pullover. Obsessed with umpires strike 3 calls and ballpark nachos. Recreational games all-pro.