Dishing out sports awards Oscars style

By February 26, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments

joakim-noah-foulWith the buzz of the Oscars still in the minds of the American conscience, it seemed only fitting to chime in and customize the buzz in a fashion that shifts the subject back into our wheelhouse. We’d like to take the opportunity to pay homage to those who’ve made contributions to their respective sports – Oscars style, of course.

Best Athlete In A (Unexpected) Leading Role: Kurt Warner – The 1999 St. Louis Rams will forever be one of the most surprising and unexpected Super Bowl champions. And pressing the buttons on that high-flying offense was the most unexpected leader the NFL had seen in some time. The former grocery store clerk and Arena Football League gunslinger peppered the ball all over the field and led a group of players that were granted one of the greatest team nicknames of all-time – “The Greatest Show on Turf.”

Best (Mental) Picture: Picture this – Jose Canseco tells Mark McGwire to drop his pants in a clubhouse bathroom stall so he can shoot him up. Full of ‘roids. In the butt. Now, try to get that image out of your head. The “Bash Brothers” took bromance to a whole new level.

Animated Feature Athlete: Any NBA player who believes he was wrongly charged a personal foul. Because no one commits a foul in THE League. Ever.

raptors-jerseyCostume Design: We’re particularly partial to NBA jerseys from the 80s and 90s. That era churned out a ton of excellent and head-scratching uniforms. However, none captured our imagination quite like the jerseys worn by the inaugural Toronto Raptors. Similar to a fine wine, they too get better with age.

Directing: Marv Levy. We bestow Marv this honor because damn it, he deserves to win something. He has Super Bowl champion-caliber teams year after year after year after year. Yet, he and the lowly Jim Kelly have nothing to show for it. Take a bow, Coach. You may not have a championship ring, but Bacon Sports just pour some out in your honor.

Makeup & Hairstyling: Dennis Rodman. Obvs.

Music: Shaq.

Have some nominees for these categories? Or winners in other categories? Let us know who we left off in the comments.