All right, I’ll say it. I’m guilty— unequivocally and apologetically guilty of making a face that about ninety-nine percent of twenty-something year old women make when told to “smile” for the camera. No, I’m not referring to an innocent throwing up of “deuces” or some type of sorority hand signal. What I’m talkin’ about is every girl’s go to picture pose. That’s right ya’ll, I’m talking about the dreaded duck lips. If you’re not cringing by now, you’re either actually a duck or simply living under a rock.
Let me break it down for you guys. So you’re at a party, the beer is flowing like wine and the women have flocked to this shindig like the Salmon of Capistrano. You’re feeling good and spot what looks like a solid 9 from across the room. You begin to make your move. All of a sudden, before you get the chance to chat, the chick’s gaggle of girlfriends surround her.
You look at the clock and it’s 11:22 pm, AKA prime semi-drunk instagramming time. In other words, these girls are about to go pic crazy Amanda Bynes style. As annoying as it is, one can’t expect themselves to attend some type of get-together nowadays without several filtered versions of that evening. And for the record, always go with Valencia. It’s a solid choice. Anyways, as the flash of her white iPhone goes off you take a closer look at what you thought was a dime piece.
All of a sudden her former, well-proportioned lips have now succumbed to that of a duck. In what looks like an uncanny resemblance to that Englishman from “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not” who could somehow swallow his own nose, the girl continues to make this rather confusing face.
This, my friends, is an all too familiar scene in our modern world and I’m here to tell you enough is enough. Just like the nationwide moratorium to end Ed Hardy apparel after Jersey Shore aired or the godforsaken trend of plastic choker necklaces circa 1999, I am calling for a formal stop to this overused, awkward display that has overtaken our world.
I’ve thought about the duck face many a times, both drunk, sober and everywhere in between. There comes a time once the Facebook tags are posted and the insta’s are grammed where every girl goes to themselves and thinks, “Was I trying to look constipated? Am I actually a duck? Do I still have friends?”
I urge all women to reconsider this immediately. Making a “duck face” is basically a universal message to men that you’re either too insecure to actually smile (which you shouldn’t be, because GURL, YOU FINE AS HELL!!!!!) or that you’re just unfortunately deformed. I hope it’s not the latter, but if it is, I’m sure Operation Smile has some type of duck face insurance policy.
The other question I thought about was how this tween fad somehow had migrated to women in their early/mid/late twenties. I know this for a fact because just last week, as I ventured out for a night on the town with my younger sister, we realized this was no short-lived pose. As I walked into the bar I saw all kinds of women giving our webbed-feet friends in ponds a run for their money. There in the bar, with all their glory, the duck faces were a flyin’ (pun, intended).
My heart began to sink! Woe and misery consumed me. I began to have a full on panic attack. Do I join in and purposely look like Howard the Duck or do I play it cool? Wait a minute….are they…. taking selfies?
“Please,” I thought to myself, “ Just no mirror pics! NOT THE MIRROR PICS!!!!!”
So many thoughts ran through my mind that my sister and I quickly left before we could become the latest casualties. It became unclear to me why good looking chicks continue to make this face. I mean, for real though, it seriously looks like you’re about to take a massive dump.
So ladies, next time it’s prime instagramming time, take a second and flash them pearly whites—that’ll get you at least 20 likes, with or without a filter. There really is nothing more stunning than a woman who conveys her beauty through a genuine smile.
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Melissa Turner is a twenty-two year old Los Angeles transplant who originally hails from Philadelphia. Other than being a devoted Eagles, Phillies and Flyers fan, Turner is a self-confessed sugar addict with a slight obsession with quoting movies. She is also the greatest and funniest person in the world. Follow her on Twitter at @lissyturner and check her out on Vine!
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