Your Fantasy Football Draft Is Like This

By August 27, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments


It’s Sunday night and it’s time for my draft,
I check the order and I got the shaft.
3rd year in a row that I’m the ninth pick,
Just one pick after Team “Eric’s a Dick.”

I enter the draft and read all the names:
Joke after joke it’s always the same.
“Teblow” is first and selects A.P.
Next is “Hernandez” then “Vick’s Dawgs” at three.

My strategy is simple and I have no regrets:
Don’t draft a soul from the Raiders or Jets.
Running backs are sketch and are hard to replace.
So I draft Tom Brady because he is a face.

If “so and so” wins it would make me sick,
After each selection he chats “terrible pick.”
I claim that he studied two weeks in advance,
As I go on a rant and spill beer on my pants.

I filled the positions and I think that I’m fine.
Turns out my whole team’s got a Bye on Week 9.
By the tenth round I’m bored drafting D’s on the pooper.
While some asshole decides to draft Riley Cooper.

When the draft is all finished it’s the same deal.
I get five different texts saying, “my team is unreal.”
50 bucks later with a roster I hate,
I close my comp with a smile, and say “that was great.”

Follow Eric on Twitter @DrStickStein to see more of his lyrical magic





Eric Simon

Eric Simon

I root for all of the sickest teams/players in sports, and I have a legitimate reason for each one. I am from Tucson, AZ so I love U of A basketball. My dad is from New York so I'm a Yankees fan, and I went to USC so I'm a Trojan. I hate underdogs and anyone that would ever root for the Spurs. I would be on the Dark Side of the force and I would be in Slytherin if I went to Hogwarts. I haven't played with anyone on the golf course that can hit the ball further than me in eight years. If you're reading this, I can beat you in ping pong or chess. Also, I was given the useless gift to write poems. So, now I write sports poems.