Sports

Ridiculous TV Concepts and Fantasy Football Week 15

By December 12, 2013 No Comments
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week-15-fantasy-footballScience Fiction is an important part of social history. The exploration of the universe, discovery of life outside of planet Earth, and the limits of science have made for fascinating television over the years, giving viewers a glimpse of what might exist outside of our standard nine to five lives. Let’s be honest though, science fiction is utterly ridiculous. Aliens living among us is a laughable concept to most people. Beings from another galaxy traveling and working together on a space ship to tackle intergalactic issues is inconceivable. The existence of alternate universes is downright silly.

The 1980s really pushed the envelope as to what was believable and what was absolutely incomprehensible. Two shows with similar premises stand out to me in particular when I think long and hard about this topic: Small Wonder and ALF Let’s explore:

Small Wonder

vicki-robot

Let me get this straight: an engineer/inventor working for United Robotronics has unlimited scientific resources at his disposal and he uses said resources to invent a 10 year old girl robot? In the words of Chad Ochocinco, child please. V.I.C.I (Voice Input Child Identicant) was created by Ted Lawson in an attempt to assist handicapped children. A noble cause, yes, but I don’t recall a single instance of this girl robot assisting a handicapped child, unless you consider the spazzy nature of Ted’s son Jamie to be a handicap.

Instead, “Vicki” hangs out with Jamie and the two engage in regular child hi-jinx while trying to hide the truth about Vicki from their nosy neighbors and the general public. If I invented a fully functional child robot who would eventually consume human food (written into the script to explain actress Tiffany Brissette’s ascent through puberty), I would tell everyone. I’d be all like “Hey, look at what I did” to anyone that would listen. Whatever, look at Vicki dance.

Vicki’s existence and the attempts by the Lawson family to hide the secret is very similar to what is going down with the Washington Redskins. We all know RGIII isn’t fully recovered from his torn ACL, and apparently this whole time head coach Mike Shanahan has been secretly trying to get fired. Team owner Daniel Snyder is playing the role of nosy pre-teen Harriet Brindle, who has a secret crush on RGIII in attempts to expose Shanahan’s semi-evil secret. Ugh.

ALF

alf

The pride of planet Melmac is quite possibly the most famous puppet of all time not affiliated with Kermit the Frog. He desires the taste of felines, peeps on Kate in the shower, and must be hidden from the government at all times. Seriously, what was the government going to do with Alf if they had gotten their hands on him? The side splitting hilarity of Alf would have prevented them from ever cutting him open to see what was in there (stuffing).

Whether Alf was blowing up the kitchen, taking a phone call, or moderating a debate, the Tanner family (no relation to Danny Tanner’s clan) kept Alf a secret until he eventually had to return to his home planet. The very concept that an alien this hilarious could crash land in a civilian’s garage makes me question what the execs at Warner Bros were smoking when they thought this up. If you don’t think Alf was awesome, take a look at these greatest moments.

The 2013 Miami Dolphins draw a distinct comparison to Alf. They have a hidden gem in Lamar Miller, who possesses every down skills, yet they keep him hidden while the far less hilarious Daniel Thomas continues to get work. As if that weren’t tragic enough, prize free agent signing Mike Wallace is no Lynn Tanner, who is surprisingly 80’s hot.

Week 15 is upon us and hopefully you’re still alive in your league’s playoffs. I can only hope you avoided my super savvy advice on EJ Manuel last week. Here are the Plays and Stays that will get you to your championship game next week (provided you don’t play an utterly twisted and cruel Week 17 championship game):

Cordarrelle Patterson, WR Minnesota Vikings

Patterson has come on very strong in the home stretch of the season, with touchdowns in each of the last two games. the Vikings recently figured out that if you have a weapon in your arsenal with breakaway speed and overall talent in space, you might have to find ways to get the ball to said weapon. Patterson possesses game breaking open field talent and shiftiness on par with future Hall of Fame teammate Adrian Peterson. With Peterson a long shot to play this week, Patterson is the Vikings best chance to put up points.

I’m not suggesting this man is the next Jerry Rice or anything, because he’s still an incredibly unpolished route runner and raw talent, but if you’re dealing with the Wes Welker injury situation or scared to play the sputtering Victor Cruz against the nasty Seattle Seahawks defense, Patterson is worth a look this week. He draws the Philadelphia Eagles, who are still giving up the most fantasy points per game to opposing WRs even though they didn’t have to defend the pass in last week’s snow globe thriller. Patterson is going to reach the end zone this week, and 80-90 all purpose yards are in the cards. PLAY

Larry Fitzgerald, WR Arizona Cardinals

Fitz has scored five touchdowns in his last four games and is averaging 14.6 fantasy points per game during that stretch. It’s exactly what Fitzgerald owners thought they were going to be getting all season. Enter the Tennessee Titans secondary.

Coming off an absolute spanking at the hands of the Denver Broncos in which they gave up four TDs through the air, I expect the Titans to get back on track in what should be a defensive struggle. Tennessee, despite last week’s embarrassment, is still allowing the fewest fantasy points to opposing pass catchers and I’m smelling a very quiet five catch, 60-70 yard game from Larry this weekend. Find a better option. STAY

Chris Ogbonnaya, RB Cleveland Browns

Drop the “G” and that’s how you pronounce that name. Cleveland is the worst fantasy running game in the entire NFL, as they simply don’t have a ton of talent behind whichever bottom barrel quarterback has been on the field. With Willis McGahee already ruled out for Sunday’s tilt with the Chicago Bears, who give up yardage to the friends and family of running backs across the league, I am looking for a solid workload for Ogbonnaya.

I’m not suggesting you bench one of your studs in a bad matchup to get a piece of the OGB, but if you’re an Adrian Peterson owner looking for a spark to get you to your title game, Ogbonnaya might be just that. Rams back up RB Benny Cunningham gashed the Bears defense for 109 yards and a TD three short weeks ago. I have a feeling Ogbonnaya can do exactly that. PLAY

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