This week, the New York Jets finally did what many have expected for weeks and released Tim Tebow. While opinions on Tebow vary more than Three Olives flavored Vodkas, his career hit an all-time low in New York.
In 2011, he took the league by storm with the Denver Broncos, leading them to comeback after comeback. What was amazing about what he accomplished was how he did it. The first three quarters of games, his play was worse than a post 2003- Adam Sandler movie, but would miraculously turn around in the fourth quarter. This led to insane amounts of media attention, including ESPN all but putting him in the NFL Hall of Fame. 2012 was a different story. He struggled to get onto the field for the Jets and stories came out about how he was worse at practicing than Allen Iverson. Now that he is currently not on an NFL roster, his future will be highly speculated. While a lot of people have suggested that the CFL may be his best option, we at Bacon Sports have other ideas.
This should be a natural transition for Tebow as he pretended to be an NFL quarterback for years. He also has another thing going for him in the acting department, his looks. Hollywood has proven for years that if you have a pretty face that they will overlook your lack of acting talent, just look at Keanu Reeves. This could lead to some roles in romantic comedies or fingers crossed, Magic Mike 2! His muscular build also helps him as he could dethrone the Rock as America’s next big action star. Speaking of The Rock, that leads us to Tebow’s next career choice!
While I am assuming Tebow has no wrestling training, it doesn’t take as much talent as it used too to make it in the WWE. I mean The Miz from Real World/Road Rules challenge fame was WWE Champion, The fucking Miz. What’s next, Johnny Bananas, Intercontinental Champ? Tebow sure has the strength to be a wrestler and his good guy schtick has worked well for John Cena over the years. He also has the potential to have a great finisher, the “Air Christ.” Off the top rope, he jumps while spreading his arms like Jesus on the cross, landing his 250 plus pound frame on top of his helpless opponent and picking up the win.
NBA Point Guard:
No quarterback is better at having his passes hit the ground than Tebow and his bounce pass skills could translate well in the NBA. He is a proven leader which is the most valuable asset a point guard can have. Another thing Tebow has going for him is he is not a wussy (looking at your Derrick Rose), and with PG’s getting injured left and right, his toughness will keep him on the court. Also, Brian Scalabrine played 11 years in the NBA, proving anything is possible.
This career move is a no brainer for Tebow. He is so loved in Florida that he could run for Senator tomorrow, not campaign or announce any policy plans and he would still win in a landslide. He is so loved in Florida, he could get a DUI while running over a Grandmother and her six dogs, all while burning the American Flag and he’d still get elected. He is so loved in Florida, he could be caught doing cocaine with a hooker and still get elected (this is also true in Washington D.C.). He is so loved in Florida he could burn down Disney World and he’d still be elected. You get the picture.
Make a Sex Tape:
While Tebow is a man of God and possible virgin, this decision would make his children’s, children’s, children’s, children financially secure for life. A Tim Tebow sex tape would be the end all be all of sex tapes. The tape could catch so much money on the open market that he could probably buy the Jets, make himself the starting QB and fire Rex Ryan. Plus, a Tebow sex tape could lead to an endless possibility of porn titles. Tim’s Tebowner. Tebow takes it up the middle. Tebow and the Denver Bron-hoe. This could end up being his greatest score to date.
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