Homeless Man To Become Newest Browns GM

By May 13, 2014June 18th, 2018No Comments

homeless-man-browns-johnny-manzielOn the heels of his first successful draft by landing Johnny Manziel with the 22nd pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the unnamed homeless man that Jimmy Haslem talked to while on his way back from dinner that urged him to take Manziel has been promoted to GM. “We’ve sold over 1,500 season tickets in the 12 hours since drafting Johnny Manziel and it’s all thanks to this homeless man,” said Browns owner Jimmy Haslem. “Had he not shared his wisdom we might have drafted someone like Clemson wide receiver Sammy Watkins. I can tell you one thing, Sammy Watkins ain’t selling 1,500 season tickets in 12 hours.”

Haslem confirmed that the homeless man will be given full reign to do what he wants within the Browns organization and to make the moves necessary to field a winning team. “I watched Draft Day and after seeing how Kevin Costner traded all those picks to move up in the draft only to have no real plan and then select a player that he could have drafted with his original pick and then somehow getting all those picks back by trading with that guy from Sons of Anarchy that isn’t a bad guy but somehow gets involved with bad guy stuff I have a better idea of what it takes to be a successful GM.”

When asked what he is looking forward to the most about his new position as Browns GM the homeless man said, “the food and the opportunity to meet Drew Carey.”



Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.