Are you ready for some football?! More specifically, are you ready for some fantasy football? It’s that time of year again where there’s unfair drafts, ridiculous player trades and that random girl who wins your league every year even though she chooses players on the basis of their facial hair. Yes, you love it, and so do I.
But what ? We’re talking player talent and looks equality weighted to create player rankings. Let’s explore what the top 5 “fantasy” QB draft board looks like when we factor in ability and looks. Spoiler: Blaine Gabbert will not be featured on this list.
1. Tom Brady
Image via People
I mean, who else would be at the top of this list? Rocket arm? Check. Chiseled cheek bones? Check. Model wife? You get the point. Oh, and did I mention he has more hardware than any other QB in the league? It’s hard not to like Tom Brady, even for a hardcore Patriot hater.
2. Aaron Rodgers
Image via ASportsNews
He might not me the first person who comes to mind when you think hot QBs, but Rodgers is pretty fine when he has the right hair do. Blue eyes and dimples can get you a long way in life. So can freakish amounts of talent and a cannon for an arm. You better discount double-check yourself if Aaron Rodgers isn’t on your fantasy QB chart.
3. Cam Newton
Image via GQ
Two words: underwear model. If you’ve seen those Under Armour ads with Cam Newton getting his 90s Mark Wahlberg on, you know exactly why he’s on my fantasy QB list. The fact that he’s a dual threat QB who has size, speed and arm strength aplenty helps, too.
4. Alex Smith
Image via ItsKevinJohn
This is the portion of the program where the candidates get a little murky. We’re out of studs that are great players (if only Sanchez didn’t butt fumble), and we’re out of superstars who are stunners (why does Peyton have to be the less attractive of two Mannings?). At this point, we need to start meeting in the middle of the intersection of talent and looks.
Alex Smith might not be an All-Pro, but he’s more than adequate at his position, and he did make the Pro Bowl last year. While he’s never going to Brett Favre his way into the record books, he’s also not going to be the guy who blows the game for you on a consistent basis (that would be Andy Dalton). And Mr. Smith looks pretty good in those spandex pants, if I do say so myself. I’d take Alex Smith on my fantasy team if looks and talent were weighted equally and the first three QBs mentioned were already off the board.
5. Tony Romo
Image via SidelinePass
Ugh, as much as I didn’t want to include Jerry Jones’s number one son, I just had to. It came down to Matt Ryan and Tony Romo, but in the end, Tony’s good looks and strong regular season play outweighed Matty Ice’s pedestrian looks and slightly more reliable play. Let’s face, Tony Romo is a good-looking guy. He dated Jessica Simpson before she had babies. Love him or hate him, he’s also a good player until the 4th quarter. Romo gets the nod here strictly because there are fewer good-looking starting QBs in this league with talent than I thought coming in.
Honorable mention: Carson Palmer (the pre-injury Cincinnati version), Russell Wilson (a bit of a butterface, but a Super Bowl winner) and Drew Brees, because everyone loves Breesus.
If I had to draft a fantasy quarterback for my looks plus talent league, I’d grab one of those five studs in the first round. Surprisingly, there aren’t many great options in the current player pool. Maybe I should try wide receivers next, huh? Here’s hoping Brady Quinn experiences a career resurgence in the next few years so someone can give Tom Brady a run for his money in my shallow fantasy league!
Who’s on your “fantasy” hot NFL quarterback roster? Hit us up on Twitter @BaconSports or in the comments section with your picks!