Sports

I miss the NBA of yesteryear

By May 18, 2013 No Comments
oakley-rambis-laimbeer

oakley-rambis-laimbeerIf you’ve been watching this years NBA Playoffs, you have witnessed some great basketball. There has been the expected : Miami breezing through opponents like Lil Wayne breezing through bottles of cough syrup. There’s been the unexpected: The Memphis Grizzlies advancing to the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history. The only people putting Memphis this far was Memphis fans and guys in Vegas with nothing to lose. And of course, Craig Sager has been looking as fly as a pimp walking the streets of Compton.

As exciting as this year has been, I miss the NBA that I grew up watching. You know, the NBA playoff matchups where you know the play was going to be physical because that’s just how it was. Rodman versus Malone in a tripping fest or Bill Laimbeer throwing bows and John Starks being sneaky and creepy. The NBA today is too soft, and unfortunately, this years playoffs have proven that.

Anyone remember in round one when after a game vs. the Nuggets, Mark Jackson accused Denver of putting a “Hit” out on Steph Curry. A “Hit”? My first thought was “Hold on Mark, didn’t you play in a time where rough play was the norm?” Now, he’s complaining over touch fouls. Steph Curry is an amazing shooter, but the kid has got to get tough and he wont get tough when his coach is crying foul over softies. Steph Curry, if your scared go buy a dog.

In the late 80’s and early 90’s Steph Curry would go through that kind of play every single night, and back then if New York wanted to shut him down, they would have put Charles Oakley (my favorite hatchet man of all time who happened to look like Django Unchained until he shaved his head) on him. That is what the old days of the NBA were all about. When you were in the playoffs, you were literally in a dog fight every single game, why do you think Mike Vick wanted to be in the NBA. I always loved the classic physical matchups between the Pistons vs. the Celtics and the Pacers vs. the Knicks. You had to have some backbone to play back then, not this spineless jellyfish shit.

I also miss the unsung heroes produced in the older days. Some people loved them, but most people hated them. I’m talking the likes of Bill Laimbeer, Kurt Rambis, Charles Oakley, Dennis Rodman, Robert Parrish…the list goes on and on. None of these guys were prolific scorers, but they were physical and used that physicality to play to help their team by throwing off opponents. Players like this are few and far between anymore, and has in some ways made the NBA not as exciting as it once was. Come on guys, let’s just see one good brawl this year. Not necessarily like the Malice at the Palace but more than LeBron flopping like an old ladies boobs when pushed by Bulls player Nazr Mohammed.

As exciting as this years matchups have been, they could be better, like a nice pair of 18 year old boobs. What’s a good playoff match up without the threat of a fight everynight? If that question baffles you, then I feel sorry for you because that means that you missed the good old days of some badass playoff basketball with epic rivalries. I am aware that those days are basically gone forever, but one can always hope for an all out brawl on the court and pertinent rivalries to build up again.

 

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John Upton

John Upton

John Upton is a stand up comic from Tazewell, TN. He has performed with Harland Williams, Brian Posehn, Guy Torry, Tammy Pescatelli, and many more. You can catch him on stage or at the bar watching sports at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Knoxville, TN.