Sports

Jeans in the Jaguars Pool and Searching for Top Gun

By October 6, 2014 No Comments
jaguars-pool-jeans-top-gun

jeans-in-the-pool-jaguars-steelersPop quiz: it’s mid-80’s and sunny outside in Jacksonville and you’re attending the Jaguars vs Steelers game. What do you wear? Well one woman, who I assume has to be the love child of Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Charlie, decided that it was a jeans and long sleeve black shirt kinda day. The insanity of this decision doesn’t stop there so it’s time for a next level breakdown.

For those that don’t recall, in Top Gun Maverick decides to play sand volleyball in the scorching California heat in a pair of jeans. As if that’s not inexplicable enough, he immediately follows up this intense and dirty game by jumping on his motorcycle and going on a first date with Charlie. Some wine and a paper airplane later and Mav is practicing making babies with his flight instructor.

We all know that Maverick is dangerous and doesn’t follow the rules so we can safely assume that he didn’t wrap it up. Since Maverick always has a need, a need for speed, his swimmers are likely fast as hell too. This likely lead to Charlie getting pregnant. That was back in 1986, so if Charlie were to pop out a love child they would be 28 years old right now.

Never knowing who her father was because of his inability to cope with the loss of Goose and his love of chasing skirt, Avery Mitchell has been wandering through life wearing jeans everywhere in case she runs across a sand volleyball game where her father is doing his thing. Knowing that most NFL games involve a fly by from military aircraft plus her father’s love of fly by’s is second to none, she decides that she’ll attend the Jaguars vs Steelers game in the hopes of tracking him down. In order to get the best view of the fly by she decides to watch from high atop the Jaguars pool.

Not having a bathing suit is not a problem for Avery. She’s been raised to wear jeans in any situation, get inverted when need be, and if her quest to find her Dad takes her to an NFL pool on a sunny October afternoon then so be it. As you can see she is intensely looking for something, and her love of finding Duke Mitchell’s son knows no limits.

For the sake of Avery and the Mitchell family I hope that she found Maverick yesterday. If she wasn’t successful in tracking him down then I recommend she looks in women’s bathrooms, dingy near the airport bars, or Ice Man’s house.

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Overlooked in Avery Mitchell rocking jeans in the Jaguars pool is two Steelers fans about to make their own set of babies. Look to the left of the terrible towel. The two yinzers are straddling each other and about to get it on. Do they care that there are other people in the pool, including a young kid? Of course not. Ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none.

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.