JaMarcus Russell to Tyrann Mathieu, the greatest rap sheet, and words Stephen A Smith might have said

By October 26, 2012June 18th, 2018No Comments

Oh what a last few days of sports it has been. No, I’m not talking about the World Series, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers putting a hurting on the Minnesota Vikings on the road on a Thursday night game when a certain someone decided to get cute and take the Vikings moneyline, or David Stern announcing that he’ll retire in 2014. Instead I’m talking about all the dumb athletes and analysts out there that are doing or saying dumb things. I’m looking in your direction Tyrann Mathieu, Delonte West, and Stephen A. Smith. Here’s our unique spin on each of these situations.

Lets start off with the Honey Badger, clearly not the smartest animal in the kingdom. Apparently his love for the sticky icky is much greater than his love for being an NFL Superstar that makes millions of dollars and still smokes herb in the offseason. I believe that all of this can be traced back to one player: former LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell. See JaMarcus Russell liked him some purple drank and it was one of the many contributing factors for why he ended up being as good of an NFL quarterback as Magic Johnson’s talk show was successful. Since it is common for players to study and look up to their elders a fledgling quarterback named Jordan Jefferson came along at LSU and the cycle of stupidity continued. He probably looked up to Russell and thus thought it was OK to get into street fights at bars like he was Ryu from Street Fighter or Billy Lee from Double Dragon. Now Tyrann Mathieu makes his way to Baton Rouge and looks up to the star quarterback on the team and sees what it’s like to be a true leader. Throw in watching a little too much Half Baked and Friday, since you know they weren’t going to class, and you’ve now got yourself a full blown stoner. Since Mathieu also watched a lot of Top Gun and was taught to never leave his wingman him and Jefferson have still continued to stay boys, thus resulting in another drug related arrest. And thus that is the cycle of how JaMarcus Russell is responsible for Tyrann Mathieu’s demise.

Anytime an article or a segment starts with “JR Smith…” or “Delonte West…” you know that you are in for something good. Delonte West was just suspended by the Dallas Mavericks for the second time this preseason for being a bad person (also known as conduct detrimental to the team) and will likely be off the team in the matter of days. I absolutely love Delonte West and everything about him. He’s videotaped himself freestyling while in the drive thru of a KFC, he has a neck tattoo which means that he is 85% more likely to be crazy than the average person, he’s rumored to have banged Lebron’s Mom, and he went renegade and got arrested with a guitar case full of guns all while on a three wheel Can Am Spyder. That’s a rap sheet that even Kenny Powers would be proud of. That my friends is how you go hard in the motha f’n paint!

One thing that can’t be forgotten about the Delonte West story is that the Dallas Mavericks have not only signed Eddy Curry in preparation for West’s release but expect to put him in the starting lineup. I’m not sure what is worse, West’s situation or the Mavericks having to start Eddy Curry. Was Jeff Foster somehow not available?

In case you didn’t see it, here’s the video of Stephen A. Smith apparently not dropping an N-please on ESPN’s First Take.

As if there was any doubt what he said take a look at Mark Jones reaction after he said it. Dude was stone cold. He didn’t want to show any emotion and get caught in this backdraft at all. It reminds me of when Kayne West went on his “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” rant and the camera quickly switched over to Chris Tucker who had a WTF/I’m scared/I don’t want to say anything look on his face.

Mark Jones reaction

Since “Peeps Got Jokes” claims that he didn’t say this we are going to come up with three things that he might have said instead of the N-bomb. I initially wanted to do ten things and then I chopped it down to five and then finally said that the most I could come up with is three. That’s how absurd his claim that he didn’t say it is.

  1. Nesterovic Please – we know how Stephen A loves him some Rasho Nesterovic.
  2. Nivea Please – maybe Nivea lotion will help Kobe Bryant’s sprained foot heal quicker?
  3. Miggy Please – maybe Stephen A has the World Series on his mind.
I told you it was tough. See if you can think of anything better than this for what Stephen A Smith really said. If you’ve got anything good post it on our Facebook page or tweet us.
Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.