Sports

Terribly Awesome Baseball Card: Keith Hernandez

By June 18, 2014 No Comments
keith-hernandez-mets-topps-awesome-card

I’m not sure if Keith Hernandez likes his oatmeal lumpy, but he does have a tendency to look a little like Humpty Hump in photos. With the stories of the rowdy partying 1986 Mets, odds are Keith has “got busy in a Burger King bathroom.” This card looks like he is wearing Groucho Marx glasses (a reference to keep the senior citizen Bacon Sports readers entertained). Below that schnoz is some facial fur that was ranked as the top sports mustache of all time by the American Mustache Institute. No joke, this apparently is a real thing.

After playing a significant role in two Mets championships, Hernandez took a role as an actlete (actor + athlete) playing Elaine’s boyfriend and Jerry’s man crush on Seinfeld. Surprisingly, Keith asks his new friend Jerry to help him move, a significant step in the friendship that happens way too early for Jerry to handle. I can’t blame Keith though. Strawberry and Doc were probably still on an all-night coke bender. I wouldn’t want Dykstra’s chaw spit on my new carpet, and everyone knows you never interrupt Elster during one of his clubhouse orgies. So who does that leave? I guess Gary Carter was busy.

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Jim Gruseck

Jim Gruseck

Jim is a life-long hoops junkie and fan of Pittsburgh sports. He can still be found in the Steel City pursuing creative endeavors in writing and music, when he's not traveling the world or stacking donkeys at the poker tables.