Sports

What Would Baseball Look Like if Nelly Played for the St Louis Cardinals?

By October 29, 2013 No Comments
nelly-cardinals

nelly-cardinalsIf rap music and sports were people, they’d totally be best friends. I mean, c’mon, where else can you find gold chainz, out of control egos, grills (mouthguards) and groupies? Yeah, thought so.

The marriage of rap and sports has come to light in many different ways over the years. Jay-Z owns and operates a sports agency that actually represents professional athletes. The Bears “Super Bowl Shuffle” happened. Don’t even get me started on Shaq Fu.

I’d like to take the convergence of rap and sports one step further. What if a rapper were a professional athlete? What if that rapper were Nelly?

As many know, Nelly, the artist born under the moniker Cornell Haynes Jr., showed early promise as a shortstop in the amateur leagues of St. Louis. The grill-wearing, rap maven who brought us the likes of “Air Force Ones” and “Pimp Juice” even tinkered with the idea of going pro, and had it not been for a little record called “Country Grammar,” the St. Louis Cardinals lineup for the World Series could look a little different. Let’s take a look at what could have been.

If Nelly turned pro:

1. Pete Kozma wouldn’t be the bane of every Cardinals fan’s existence after his inexcusable error in Game 1 of the World Series.

2. Murphy Lee would have rapped the National Anthem before Game 1, likely with some kind of contraband substance on his person.

3. Band-Aid would make millions selling facial bandages with team logos for fans to showcase their team pride.

4. Baseball would have cheerleaders in the form of scantily-clad women, likely taken from the sets of Ja Rule videos.

5. “Tip Drill” wouldn’t have happened.

6. We would have forgotten about Ashanti after her debut, wait, who is Ashanti again?

7. Web Gems would be expanded to include top home run dances, because you know Mr. EI himself would never simply trot around the bases like a professional.

8. Nelly would be fined 162 games a year for wearing gold and diamond encrusted grillz, because you can’t stop a man from wearing his “smile on da rocks!”

9. Andrew McCutchen would have some competition for do rag of the year.

10. We would never have learned that there is, in fact, an alternate spelling of “here,” spelled HERRE.

Something tells me the World Series would be a lot cooler if Nelly were a St. Louis Cardinal. Baseball could use a little Pimp Juice these days (not to be confused with the other muscle-building juice that is being consumed in the MLB). Hell, couldn’t we all?

 

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Rebecca Ramos

Rebecca Ramos

Business casual by week, sports chic by weekend. Originally from Pittsburgh, Rebecca bleeds Black and Gold and cites Casey Hampton as her all-time favorite Steeler. Warning: do not approach her directly after a Steelers loss.