Defending chicks who wear pink sports jerseys is kind of like a Red Sox fan defending John McNamara’s decision to leave Bill Buckner in during the 10th inning of the ’86 World Series. We all know how that ended, so if you’re Boston-based a McNamara defender, you’re about as unpopular as Mike Tyson’s face tat.
What makes supporting pink jersey wearers so challenging is the male reviews they seem to elicit. Said a former D-1 football player when asked about chicks who wear pink football jerseys, “they talk too much during the game, try to have serious talks on 1st and goal and yell at men for not paying attention to them.” Like all things, though, I guess there are some good qualities about these trailblazers who deny their team colors in favor of the universal chick hue. Let us begrudgingly explore the benefits of pink jerseys.
I’ll start with the most obvious benefit of pink jerseys – the proceeds go to the National Cancer Society, specifically funneling into breast cancer awareness. Even OJ’s lawyer can’t argue his way out of that one. It’s a great cause. So, if you’re one of those chicas who rocks the pink and sips on white wine spritzers at the sports bar on Sundays, you can at least feel better about yourself knowing the 75-plus dollars you spent on that jersey was not wasted. All mockery aside, “A Crucial Catch” is a great campaign, which has spread breast cancer awareness into the previously uncharted male market through its partnership with the NFL.
A slightly less noble benefit of the pink jersey epidemic is the favorable response it gets from bros. But for this scenario to play out, the stars basically have to align in your favor, much like they did during the Ravens’ Super Bowl run last year (self-marketing maven, Ray Lewis, just had to announce his retirement at the beginning of the playoffs, didn’t he?). Here are the criteria required for this situation to occur:
Step 1: You must actually be attractive to begin with. Easier said than done.
Step 2: The jersey must be at least two to three sizes smaller than required. Bonus points for fitting into a child’s medium.
Step 3: You must actually know things about football and be willing to shut up and watch the game.
Of course dudes are going to disregard the apparent lameness of pink jerseys when a hot chick stuffs herself into a two sizes too small pink jersey and a mini skirt while simultaneously drinking a beer and spitting out obscure sports references. But that only happens about as often as the Bills have a winning season these days. Thad Lewis for MVP! Wait, who?
The last real benefit of rocking the pink jersey is the, ahem, fashion. Now, suspend disbelief for a second here and pretend I’m not the black and gold-bleeding, Steelers jersey-wearing gal I am today. When I peel back my true fandom, I can kind of see what girls like about pink jerseys. Not to dumb this down to Joey Tribbiani level here, but pink, good. Fitted, good. Charity, good! But really, that’s as far as I’ll go in my fashion defense of pink jerseys.
So there you have it. Some said it couldn’t be done, but chicks who wear pink jerseys have hereby been defended. Sure, pink jerseys are over-priced and slightly disconcerting, but there are clearly some benefits to selling out your team colors for an ass-tight, charity-supporting piece of shapely mesh. Moral of the story: wear at your own risk, ladies.
Where do I start with pink jerseys? In this gentle debate, I’ll defend my completely biased and strong willed view that they are the worst.
Did you know that only 8% of pink jersey and merchandise sales go to the National Cancer Society? That’s less than what I pay in sales tax in this lovely city. It’s better than nothing, sure, but it’s still being marketed as this huge effort which is basically a joke. Obviously, the cause isn’t the problem, but rather the actual purpose of the pink merch—which is profit. Also, the money that is donated goes to the marketing and awareness part of the NCS. It doesn’t even go to research. What the hell is that? It’s more than I’m contributing to the cause, but there is no way this is a fair reason to purchase one of these gems.
Guys don’t like pink jerseys, guys like women in general. If a guy is talking to you while you happen to be wearing one of these glitter and silver splattered pieces of pink fabric – awesome. But he is judging the crap out of you as you sip on your tequila sunrise checking your tinder at the bar during the game. Please, for the love of God, don’t think you’re more likely to get slayed just because you’re wearing one. A blacked out Gronk might even pass on you if he was out, and that’s saying a lot.
No, I’m sorry, “Fashion” is not a reason to wear pink jerseys. Do you know what’s more “fashionable” than a pink jersey? Anything.
While I’m at it, can we not purchase every single NFL team item we own from Victoria’s Secret’s PINK line? Is this some kind of sick joke? Before it was just the pink jerseys, and now it’s an entire line of bejeweled spandex that references kissing booths and love. The world is falling apart.
Lastly, you probably aren’t a 14 year old girl.
1. The donation amount is a joke.
2. Guys like all women, don’t care about pink jerseys.
3. Not fashionable.
4. You can also stop buying from Victoria’s Secret.
5. You aren’t 14.
There you have it, folks, pink jersey wearers have allies (surprisingly) and enemies alike. This is a polarizing subject, there is no doubt about that. So, what do you think about chicks who rock pink sports attire?
This article was co-written by two of our resident unicorns, Rebecca Ramos and Taina Molina.
If you see a pink jersey on the street snap a pic and send it to us on Instagram or Twitter @BaconSports and use #jerseyfail. Click here to see the most comprehensive guide to random jerseys ever!