Sports

Reading Between the Headlines

By March 8, 2012 No Comments

Time to take a look at some recent headlines and see what’s really going on.

  • The Cleveland Browns GM  Tom Heckert recently said “Peyton Manning not in team’s plans”. I found this quote very comical because he’s acting like the Browns were actually in the running for Peyton Manning. Tom’s quote is like me saying “Kate Upton no longer in the running to be my wife”. There was never a chance of this happening.
  • Marino: Peyton would lift Dolphins“: Their QB options are Matt Moore and Chad Henne. Anything short of David Klingler would be a lift to the Dolphins.
  • Baylor opens practice without Heisman winner“: The dumbest headline of the week award goes to this one. Really, that story is worthy of being on the main college football page CNNSI? We are all now 1% dumber for having read that.
  • Being the guy important to Magic’s Dwight Howard“: What this really means is that he doesn’t want another Russell Westbrook situation on his hands.
  • Flyers’ Grossman reveals name has extra ‘n’ “: I don’t believe Nicklas Grossman’s explanation for one second. He did that so that people didn’t think that he was related to Rex Grossman. Think about it, would you want to be associated with Sexy Rexy?
  • Sean Avery’s tenure with Rangers franchise is over“: Simply put, dude is an asshole.
  • Lakers Brown wants Kobe in MVP race“: Mike Brown is scared of Kobe Bryant and figures that if he doesn’t stroke his ego in the media that Kobe will stop talking to him. By the way, nice job by the Lakers losing to the Wizards last night blowing a 21 point second half lead. Who do they think they are, the Washington Wizards? This alone should exclude Kobe from the MVP race.
  • Papelbon: Phillies fans smarter than Boston’s“: What better way of getting back at the organization that didn’t resign you in the offseason than by insulting their fans. Nice work Pap’s. In case you were wondering, Papelbon was able to figure this out after just five Spring Training games.
  • Accused Cashman stalker could testify to jury“: This is what happens when you don’t have things on lock like Derek Jeter. Running the Yankees, piece of cake. Cheating on your wife and hoping that your mistress isn’t bat shit crazy? Freaking impossible.

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.