Rob Lowe DirecTV Characters and their Pro Athlete Counterpart

By January 29, 2015June 18th, 2018No Comments


Not since the Napa Know How commercial have we been hit with a tv commercial with greater volume then a J.R. Smith stat sheet. Love it or hate it, you knew it subconsciously like it was Jerome Bettis being from Detroit. This year is no exception as DirectTV has blasted us with a series of Rob Lowe and his awkward counterpart spots.

Since we are going to see this commercial until time ends, why not have a little fun with it. I have decided to pair each of Rob Lowe’s alternate characters with their sports likeness.

Meathead Rob Lowe = Rob Gronkowski


This is one is about as automatic as Andy Dalton coming up short in big games. Meathead Lowe is jacked, speaks with the ‘bro lingo, and is all about the pump – of the weights and fist that is. This is a mirror image of Gronk, the man who once described his 15 yard personal foul call as, “So I took him and threw him out of the club”. This is the same man who has a club in his basement. You can bet you will find Meathead Lowe in Vegas this summer posted up with Gronk, Johnny Manziel, and a load of beautiful babes. BRO!

Far less attractive Rob Lowe = Randy Johnson


Randy Johnson is a great fit, as he comes in as probably the ugliest human to play sports. My apologies on not giving Otis Nixon the nod, but he is not a human being. The Hall of famer boasts impressive traits – tall, lanky, curly mullet even long after they were in, and a face that appeared to have a spaceship land on it at one point. Not to say pro baseball players are the most GQ looking people, but stand next to Randy Johnson and you are leaving with chicks like you were Leo DiCaprio.

Scrawny Arms Rob Lowe = Manute Bol


The late, great Manute Bol was a skyscraperesque 7’7 but only 200 lbs. Like Scrawny Lowe, Bol has pipes that looked like he never touched a weight in his life. Heck even 2007 Kevin Durant, who could not even bench 185 lbs once, think these guys are weak.

Creepy Rob Lowe = Adam Morrison/Mark Chmura


On sheer looks alone, it is hard to deny no one had the “you will see me on a post card in your mailbox soon” look quite like Morrison. Long creepy hair, awesomely abysmal ‘stache make him the proper stand- in for Creepy Lowe. But with all due respect, Mark Chmura is the one who you would find creeping out young people in public, specifically at a YMCA pool in a lawn chair. Ball don’t lie.

Overly Paranoid Rob Lowe = Stan Van Gundy


The Shaq-coined infamous “Master of Panic,” Van Gundy seemed the perfect fit. Van Gundy in the playoff huddle is just like Paranoid Lowe looking out of the blinds at his neighbor. M.O.P. in the timeout huddle is the best, just yelling with a whacky voice concerned about what the other team is doing and how he is going to mess the game up.

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Tom Hamm

Tom Hamm

Cleveland sports freak living in Cincinnati who still owns an original Charlotte Hornets pullover. Obsessed with umpires strike 3 calls and ballpark nachos. Recreational games all-pro.