Sports

Rush the court then punch yourself in the face

By January 13, 2013 No Comments
rush the court

rush the courtNow that college football has (sadly) ended, most everyone else – save for that one blowhard *ahem Rob* who says “See, good college basketball gets played before March” – turns their attention to conference college hoops. Saturday was the first day for college basketball to get sports fans’ undivided attention (until the Broncos and Ravens kicked off). As a first taste of college hoops, fans got to see the #1 ranked Duke Blue Devils take a digger on the road against #20 NC State Wolfpack. Yipee, everyone likes to see the #1 team lose. And as is the stupid-ass tradition, the NC State fans thought this victory was necessary to rush the court. Nevermind that this was a conference game, and NC State is a top 20 team, rushing the court is the stupidest, lamest thing in college basketball. Your alma mater or favorite team won a big game, so the proper celebration is to go on the court of play and jump up and down in a big group? Easily the biggest pet peeve of mine when it comes to fandom in college hoops.

And since we’re on it, I want to bitch about a few other fan activities at games. If you’re one of these fans, you crave attention and probably said at some point “Changing your last name to Ochocinco is HILARIOUS”.

Throwing a home run ball back

People go their whole lives hoping to catch a ball from a professional baseball game. Grown men bring the same baseball mitt that they’ve owned since they were 12 years old just so they can be prepared to catch a ball hit their way. I don’t know why, but when you see a guy on the jumbotron after catching a foul ball, he (or she, but chicks can’t do athletic things) acts like he was just granted access to the Playboy mansion. So why would you throw something so valuable to so many back onto the field of play because the opposing team hit a home run to increase their lead to 7-1? If you don’t want the ball, give it to a kid or one of those weirdos with the mitt.

Attending a game wearing team gear of a team not playing

If you’re at the Falcons-Seahawks game, nobody gives a shit that you’re a Chargers fan and you’re only there because the guy who sits next to your cube at work had an extra ticket. If you’re not a fan of either team, just throw on a polo or a hoodie and get obnoxiously drunk. You think people are walking around the concourse look at you thinking “Wow, what a fan. Even supports his team when he’s not watching them on TV because he’s at this game”? No, they’re thinking you look like Tony Romo in a big game.

Chanting “Overrated” at the end of the game

This kinda goes hand in hand with the rushing of the court. It’s pretty easy to tell the pollsters that they’ve screwed up by ranking Team A at #18, rather than #22 where they will be after their loss. The team didn’t decide what their ranking is, so why do they get taunted for not living up to the media’s expectation of where they are relative to other teams? You think USC and Lane Kiffin thought they were the best football team going into this season? Lane is much smarter than that. Plus he looks like Daniel Tosh. (Full disclosure: My haircut lady’s brother is the special teams coach at USC)

Pounding on the glass (don’t watch this video if you’re at a workplace that frowns upon seeing boobs or with a significant other that frowns upon seeing boobs)

Hockey players are the most skilled athletes in sports. No doubt about it. You ever try to stick handle and try to keep control of a tennis ball just standing still? It’s harder than Brent Musburger talking about Katherine Webb (had to throw one Brent joke in there). Now think about doing it on skates on ice while five other guys have the opportunity to run into you as fast as they can. You really think slapping the glass really spooks Martin St. Louis while he’s battling Zdano Chara in the corner? Back on the bench, when the coach asks why he didn’t battle for the puck against the boards Phil Kessel is going to say “I would have, but that guy was slapping the glass really hard and it scared me”?

If you’re going to sit front row and you want attention, either flip the middle finger frequently, or show your boobs. I prefer the boobs.

Killing people after games

soccer fight

This is more of a soccer or California thing, but no matter how much you love your team, it can’t be so much that would compel you to kill somebody. I’ve been pissed after losses, and was infuriated by individuals after said loss (Bears-Packers 2011 NFC Championship), but never once did I think that I should go murder that person. Dude, if the athletes playing in the game don’t feel compelled to take the life of their opponent to win, then you, as the district manager of Office Max, shouldn’t think that a fan of the other team should pay a fatal price after the game. Hang your head, take the verbal abuse and move on.

Separate note, I was at the BCS National Title Scrimmage Game, dressed in my traditional Notre Dame garb. In three days in Miami, not a negative word was said by any Alabama fan I came across. Even when the score was 35-0, the Bama fans around us were saying that they did not expect that at all, and ND was still a good squad. I guess when you have awesome southern accents and a family of smokeshows, there’s really no need to get worked up over a football game. Props to all the Alabama fans I came across in Miami. Very classy. And I didn’t get murdered post-game, so that’s a plus.

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