Bud Selig FINALLY cracked down on the PED users like they were Mike Leake caught shoplifting. The sports world had been waiting quite some time for the commish to lay down the suspensions to the players involved in the Biogenesis case, longer than waiting out a Rod Belding return to Bayside.
Since the names had originally been leaked and all that remained was the suspension length, it was a worse kept secret than wrestling being fake – wait what?? So who cares about these chumps who used PED’s to help mash baseballs? Not me and probably not you. Personally I dug Bonds, McGwire, and Brady Anderson crushing Mr. Rawlings into different planets.
Speaking of wrestling, the one takeaway here has to be how these juicers have a strange similarity to some notable wrestlers from the late 80’s and early 90’s. Get out your Austin 3:16 foam finger and get ready to whoop some ass!
Ryan Braun = Sgt. Slaughter
The talk was always that Braun was a great guy and was doing things the right way. He was a voice and face of a new, clean generation of baseball. People got behind him and rooted for him just like Slaughter when he defended America against the Iron Sheik. Braun proceeds to get popped doing PED’s and escapes on technicalities, and then turns his back on us by cutting a deal admitting he still was using after getting caught. Traitor.
This felt eerily similar to Slaughter turning his back on the U.S. of A. with his Middle East allegiance and burning the American flag after beating the Ultimate Warrior for the WWF title in Royal Rumble. Some things you just cannot forgive nor forget.
Jhonny Peralta = Konnan
Peralta was once an up and coming star who was to be a cornerstone of the Cleveland Indians. Konnan was once referred to as the “Mexican Hulk Hogan”. Instead of leading the Indians and becoming a superstar in his own right, he goes and signs with the Detroit Tigers and hides behind Miggy Cabrera and Prince Fielder amongst others. He was putting up superb numbers only for us to find that it was not always about being protected in the order.
Konnan spurned the WWF as up and comer Max Moon to join the nWo and hide behind big boppers Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. Only difference was that K-Dwag’s PEDs were actually in the form of phat blunts.
Alex Rodriguez = The Narcissist Lex Luger
When A-Roid entered the MLB he was the next hyped phenom who was the face to take the sport to new levels. The Narcissist came into the WWF with the same pretty boy looks as Rodriguez and both were more addicted to publicity than Magic Johnson.
Both enjoyed immediate success – Luger with the help of a steel plate in his forearm and A-Rod with the assistance of PED’s. Rodriguez put up gaudy statistics with the Mariners and Rangers and was on top of the baseball world and loved by all. Luger success dubbed him the “All American” and was a sweetheart in the WWF. A-Rod joining the hated empire quickly transformed his image negatively similarly to Luger joining nWo Wolf Pack.
These two have spent more time looking in the mirror and tanning than any other tandem since frat bros preparing for spring break in Cancun. Once young studs with the world in front of them, they are now washed up losers. Bottom line is there is nobody more full of themselves than these hacks and cheats.
The other small time offenders can be compared to small fry’s like Virgil, Juventud Guerrera, and Papa Shango, but we only fry big fish here at Bacon Sports.
Let us know @BaconSports, do you like these comparisons? Do you have a better or different comparison? Come at us like a Warrior Splash off the top rope! 1,2,3!
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