Don’t Act Like You Care About Soccer

By August 28, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments


You know how to tell someone is off their rocker?
If you ask their favorite sport, and the response is soccer.
You played growing up, and that’s literally it,
Because the second you realized it was soccer…you quit.

“It’s the most popular sport, so don’t you dare!”
I hate when people in America act like they care.
You may watch the World Cup and have a few beers,
You’re a huge fan now! Three games in four years!

But soccer is cool now and we have a good team,
We got Landon and Beasley and Howard to dream!
That guy Altidore, I heard he’s sick!
On SportsCenter last week he had a hat trick!

If this sport is cool now, here is your test,
Name for me three teams in the MLS.
I’ll give you a second, take your time,
The Galaxy, The Fire… damn what a rhyme.

But you follow club right? I mean English Premier?
You’re an American dude, look in the mirror.
The only time we watch soccer.. I’ll tell you when
When you see a penalty kick bend play on ESPN.

So sit there and watch 90 minutes and yawn,
And pray to get a head-butt from Zinedine Zidane.
Pro soccer in America will never be legit,
If you believe that it will, well you’re full of shit.





Eric Simon

Eric Simon

I root for all of the sickest teams/players in sports, and I have a legitimate reason for each one. I am from Tucson, AZ so I love U of A basketball. My dad is from New York so I'm a Yankees fan, and I went to USC so I'm a Trojan. I hate underdogs and anyone that would ever root for the Spurs. I would be on the Dark Side of the force and I would be in Slytherin if I went to Hogwarts. I haven't played with anyone on the golf course that can hit the ball further than me in eight years. If you're reading this, I can beat you in ping pong or chess. Also, I was given the useless gift to write poems. So, now I write sports poems.