Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.
Also, don’t forget to check out Rob and Taina’s weekly Fresh n Stunna Podcast. They dish sports absurdity with a random goofiness unlike anyone else.
Q: What are your thoughts on people who put ketchup on hot dogs?
A: My thoughts are that unless you’re 5 years old and/or from Indiana or Wisconsin, you should know better. No one worthy has ever put ketchup on a hot dog. Step outside of the box for two seconds during your depressing day and try something, anything else on your hot dog.
Q: Brandon Marshall is already unhappy and that is not a recipe for success for the Bears. How do you see this season going for them under their new coach Marc Trestman? Will Jay Cutler make that next step forward?
A: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say everyone is over analyzing this Brandon Marshall situation. I know in the past he has been fairly emotionally unstable, but I don’t think Marshall is as frustrated with the Bears as he is in his hip not being back at 100%. What is important right now is for him to complete his therapy and follow up appointments and then find his pace in this offense. It’s apparent he isn’t up to his normal speed, but I think the four days off are with good reason, and I think once the season picks up B Marsh will be back to normal (knocks on wood).
In regards to Trestman, I think this will be a transition year for the Bears, but I am confident in Marc as a coach and I think everyone should be. He’s been a stand up guy so far and I love how he is handling the media in comparison to my man Lovie. Seems like he is leaving the defense untouched under Mel Tucker which is good, and he is making moves on the offense that can’t be ignored. I’m particularly excited for Martellus Bennett because he is kind of a bad ass.
And your last question- not sure if you’re asking about Jay making the next step forwards in terms of his contract or the playoffs, but let me start with saying I support Jay 100% and I always have. I think he has the potential to do great things and people are just assholes and hate him. The improved o-line and some other offensive weapons to target besides Marshall will give him the chance to have a successful year (although staying realistic, not sure how I see the playoffs panning out at this point). Phil Emery, along with the entire city of Chicago, will know if they want to extend his contract once how they see this thing unfold.
Q: If you had to use a pickup line on a dude what are you going to try?
A: “Did you fall from heaven because have sex with me” – THE most brilliant pick up line that I have personally heard a girl use on a guy. It’s hilarious and to the point. What else matters? Would it work on a guy is the real question here.
Q: Folgers Coffee commercials used to say “The best part of waking up, is Folger’s in your cup”. What do you think is the best part of waking up?
A: Thinking about going back to sleep that night because my life sucks is literally what crosses my mind every morning. The one and only exception to this is on Sundays during football season. Close runner up would be checking out the talent on the brown line on my way downtown every morning. I love a good suit.
Q: Why do you think that God decided to make apples the forbidden fruit for Adam and Eve? In the hierarchy of fruit goodness apples have to be in the top 4. Couldn’t he have made it a little easier on them and made it something like pears or apricots?
A: Top 4, are you kidding me homie? Apples blow. They’re way past their prime and need to step it up. The only way I would’ve touched that apple if I were Eve is if there were literally no other options in the food department for like, three hours. Side note: I’m a child and need food every few hours before I turn into a mess. My top 4 fruits (because I know you’re all dying to know) are: watermelon, bananas, grapes, pineapple.
Q: Rank these: Pringles, Cheetos, Cool Ranch Doritos, Nacho Cheese Doritos, Sun Chips, Combos.
A: Cheetos, Pringles, Sun Chips, Nacho Cheese Doritos, Combos, Cool Ranch Doritos.
Time out: do you remember Funyuns? Do they still exist? The abnormally fat 11 year old version of myself LOVED Funyans.
Q: Give us three random athletes.
A: Jack Lambert. Hideo Nomo. Kevin Johnson. And shout out to Bacon Sports fan and Pittsburgh’s own Jeff Milliner for brainstorming with me this week!
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