Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.
Q: At what age is it no longer OK for a guy to be a hardcore WWF fan? I’m talking watching Monday Night every week plus getting all of the Pay Per Views.
A: 14 years of age is the answer and not a day older. I know I’m going to get a lot of crap for this considering people went mad when they found out I’m not into monster truck rallies, but I cannot and will not take grown men who watch WWF seriously (sorry Dan Gillan and friends!). I have an older brother and a lot of older male cousins and none of them were ever into it, and that time of my life set the stage for my tomboyness, so to me it’s not even cool/normal. Why would a handful of badass little Puerto Rican kids ever need to watch white guys fake fight each other for fun when they could actually just fight each other for fun? Exactly.
Q: Are you going to root for the Florida Gators in college football this year? You don’t think that I didn’t see that suggestion on Twitter did you? The title of resident unicorn is only valid if you can talk competently about college football.
A: Well, I can talk college football, I just lack the emotional investment that I have in all other sports. But yes, thanks to Ryan Mackman’s answer to the question posed via podcast, I will cheering on the Gators this year.
It’s actually funny because I have several aunts and uncles who are huge Gator fans and they’ve been buying me UF gear since I was a small disgusting child. This entire time I have been resistant to it, but Ryan invited me to watch a game at a UF bar here in Chicago and he is convinced I’ll be impressed. Plus, a bar means booze, and booze is the way to my heart.
If you have other college football teams that you think I’d like more, let me hear them @TainaMolina. Didn’t go to a big school and have no ties to any personally, so my avid fandom is up for grabs until another organization thinks they can knock UF off my map. (Ryan is fairly convincing so far, so good luck.)
Q: Rank these 5 things : NFL football, College football, sex, beer, bacon.
A: NFL football, sex, bacon, college football, beer. Disclaimer: I’m a hard liquor girl.
Q: In Saved by the Bell Zack and Kelly didn’t go to the prom because Kelly’s Dad lost his job. Zack then set up his own special prom where he and Kelly ate dinner outside and even had a banner that read “Zack and Kelly’s prom”. How pimp. I’ve got a few questions for you about this.
If Zack was so chivalrous then why didn’t he just pay for Kelly’s dress so that they could go to the prom with all of their friends? Preppy had a freaking cell phone in high school when roaming charges cost about $5 per minute so you know the Morris family was loaded. There’s no doubt that Derrick Morris would have been fine with footing the bill so that his son could go to prom.
Second, how much sex do you think that Zack got that night? Morris was the Derek Jeter of Bayside (minus the baseball skills) so you know he was doing his thing like he was Shawn Kemp.
A: This is such a good question. I don’t know if I have the right answer, but I have a theory. Zack didn’t pay for Kelly’s dress because Zack knows the playing field. This is not talking from my own experience, because I’d much rather go to the dance than sit at a picnic table, but that is why I’m no Kelly. Zack wanted to play up his emotional and caring side by showing her how much he loves her. Anyone could buy Kelly’s dress and it’d still be the same dress, but not just anyone would or could put together a prom for her.
Derrick Morris is absolutely loaded, but this wasn’t about the money it was about the personal touch. And further, that is what guaranteed him a boat load of ass that night. It’s brilliant actually. Personal prom leads to a personal after party. You have no other plans and all your other friends are busy. And your boyfriend just threw you your own prom for Christ’s sake– you’re going to sleep with him.
Q: If you are Alex Rodriguez’s girlfriend right now how are you handling what is going down? Do you give two craps? You know that you are probably as dispensable as one of his syringes.
A: If I’m Alex Rodriguez’s girlfriend right now I’m handling everything perfectly because I’ve already checked out of the sports side of the relationship. I have said this before and I will say this again, if I’m not able to check out of the sports side of things then I cannot date an athlete because I care too much. You should never mix business with pleasure (NFL, NBA are both completely off limits). And to be fair to Alex, disposable women are his thing, who cares? If you’re his girl, you should know that’s the case and it’s that much easier. He is following the Clooney model of relationships and using it to his advantage. If I could do it, I would too.
Q: Fox Sports 1 is trotting out the glam duo of Erin Andrews and Charissa Thompson. Wowza! Are they a hotter duo than Jordan and Pippen? Montana and Rice?
A: Hotter? Yes. Absolutely. More productive or successful? We will see. I love what Fox Sports 1 is doing, and what other women to have repping your new brand but the queens of sports broadcasting? (I’m available and willing to move to California, FS1). But how dare you even try to compare them to two of the best sports duos in the history of the free world. Don’t get ahead of yourself there, cowboy.
Also, Team Charissa. She is my girl crush and I’m obsessed.
Q: Drop three random athletes on us.
A: Mateen Cleaves, Ken Griffey Sr., Bill Cartwright
Q: What would you rather watch: WNBA game, soccer game, or NASCAR race?
A: I’d rather kill myself than watch a NASCAR race. And the other two are a tough call, but I’d have to go with soccer. I understand way more basketball, but it’s still a WNBA game. Plus, foreign dudes.
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