Sports

Stupid Athletes Who Needed A Fall Guy

By August 28, 2015 No Comments
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I find the outrage over Cris Carter’s “Fall Guy” comments at the 2014 NFL Rookie Symposium a bit ridiculous. I get it, why should these players need a fall guy if they can just do the right thing instead. At the same time, we all know athletes can and will be stupid. It’s no different from knowing that your friend who’s drinking Jack Daniels tonight will reach new levels of stupidity. It just comes with the territory.

Having a fall guy is stupidity insurance. If you are ballin enough to have the funds to pay for stupidity insurance then it would be stupid not to have it. This got me thinking, who are some former athletes that would have benefited greatly from having stupidity insurance?

The first that came to mind was Najeh Davenport, also knows as The Dump Truck. Why is he known as The Dump Truck? Because he broke into a college girl’s dormitory and took a dump in her hamper. Had Deuce Davenport had a fall guy then this would have just been a funny story in a campus newspaper involving some John Doe. Instead he’s the Batman to R.Kelly’s Robin.

 
Najeh Davenport should have been the speaker directly after Cris Carter reaffirming why having a fall guy is a good idea. “You guys probably think you are #1…and because of that a few of you will get the urge to go #2 in some random chick’s hamper. One minute I was thinking about Waffle House, the next minute I was squatting like a linebacker in the dark. If it can happen to me it can happen to you!”

Remember the William Green story where he had relations with teammate Kevin Johnson’s wife, got caught, ran out of the house with one sock and one shoe, and then was busted for DUI? Bet he would have loved to have a fall guy chillin in the trunk to take that one for him. That level of stupidity is a doozy and who knows, had there been a fall guy maybe the Cleveland Browns would be a perennial playoff team because things wouldn’t have gone off the rails back then. You never know.

And lastly, how about Denny Neagle, the former Rockies pitcher who got arrested for paying a prostitute $40 for some oral. At the time the Rockies were paying him $9 million a year. $9 FREAKING MILLION DOLLARS! All down the tubes because Tinder didn’t exist and Denny had to get his rocks off.

You’re telling me that Denny Neagle having a fall guy in his crew making $1 million a year to take the fall for him in the event that something went south isn’t a good idea? That would have saved him $8 million, his baseball career & millions in future earnings, plus not having the “Buster with Hooker” label always attached to his name.

After reading these stupid athletes stories having a fall guy doesn’t seem like a bad idea now does it Carl?

I want to hear from you. Who are some other stupid athletes that would have benefited from having a fall guy on staff? Hit me up on Twitter @BaconSports.

Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.