Think Different: 47% The New 0% iPhone Battery Life

By December 12, 2014June 18th, 2018No Comments


Chicago, IL – iPhone owners who are accustomed to Apple’s “Think Different” mindset are thrilled over discovering a new unadvertised feature with their iPhone 5.

“I bought my iPhone 5 because I wanted features no other phone had”, said Rachael Morrison. “So when I found out that my iPhone battery would die at 47% instead of the standard 0% I was ecstatic! Who thinks of something that randomly brilliant?! It gets me to lift my head up and enjoy the beauty of the non-digital world.”

And that’s not all this new iPhone 5 feature does for Rachael. “What I love even more is how the iPhone battery “Thinks Different” on its own and will go from 56% to 37% to 0% in under a minute. It’s refreshing how that keeps me on my toes and it’s that sort of feeling that I’m willing to pay extra for!”

Members of the marketing and telecom communities are applauding Apple for their ability to not rest on their laurels and instead go above and beyond the call of duty to keep adding new features to their iPhone’s.

“It’s just not the same to add retna display to the iPhone and have it talked about on CNet and every local news channel two minutes later”, said Apple’s Chief Marketing Officer.” The element of surprise is gone and people will be talking about the next shiny object a day later. It’s the feeling that you are unexpectedly discovering something awesome that you otherwise had no idea was coming that people are really searching for. That is the sweetspot.”

Insiders are baffled at how Apple will be able to top such a cutting edge feature like this, but according to Apple, “that’s what we do.”

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.