Sports Poem: If you don’t root for Tiger Woods, you’re an idiot

By August 14, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments


Ernie Els, yeah he’s solid as oak,

Sergio Garcia? No wait he’ll choke.

Donald and Westwood might make a run,

Let’s watch them on Sunday, that will be fun! (not)

How about the Ausi, Adam Scott,

Well he did win the Masters and is kinda hot.

Who won the Open, Justin Rose?

Who gives a shit, nobody knows.

Hey did you watch the PGA?

The leaders were Dufner and Furyk by the end of the day.

Dufner throws in dips and has a hot wife,

But then he talked and it was like scratching a plate with a knife.

You may like Kuchar, you think his name’s Matt,

You like John Daily because he’s drunk and he’s fat.

Dustin Johnson? Who gives a shit.

David Duval? Didn’t he quit?

Bubba is sick and has a cool name?

But he cried at the Masters and that’s slightly lame.

You can root for Rory he’s done pretty well,

But he’s Irish and toothy and ugly as hell.

The fact is you like Tiger, stop kidding yourself.

Do you have a pic of Bo Van Pelt on your shelf?

The answer is no because that guy sucks,

The only problem with Tiger is he curses and fucks.

Don’t act like you do not want him to win,

What’s the last tourney you watched that he wasn’t in?

The answer is none or you’re lying to me,

Tiger is golf, now you can see.





Eric Simon

Eric Simon

I root for all of the sickest teams/players in sports, and I have a legitimate reason for each one. I am from Tucson, AZ so I love U of A basketball. My dad is from New York so I'm a Yankees fan, and I went to USC so I'm a Trojan. I hate underdogs and anyone that would ever root for the Spurs. I would be on the Dark Side of the force and I would be in Slytherin if I went to Hogwarts. I haven't played with anyone on the golf course that can hit the ball further than me in eight years. If you're reading this, I can beat you in ping pong or chess. Also, I was given the useless gift to write poems. So, now I write sports poems.