Sports

Top 10 athletes that would make great politicians

By November 6, 2012 No Comments
bobby the brain heenan

Athletes think that because of who they are they would do great in other high profile jobs even though they have little to no qualifications. That’s why you see so many athletes who want to be rappers. We all know how that goes. Amazingly there are actually more successful athletes turned politician than there are athletes turned successful rapper. Since the Presidential election is tonight I thought it would make sense to look at the world of sports and see who would make the best politicians. Here are the Top 10 athletes that would make great politicians.

bobby the brain heenan

10. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan – There was no one else that could draw and take the heat like The Brain. He was the heels heel of managers. He wouldn’t have to worry about getting flustered when people opposed his views because quite frankly he doesn’t care. Few people out there relish having everyone hate them like The Brain did. Even though he was despised by many he was successful in what he did. Here’s a list of some of the wrestlers that he managed:

  • Mr.Perfect
  • Ric Flair
  • Andre the Giant
  • “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
  • Ravishing Rick Rude
  • The Brooklyn Brawler

Sure Mitt Romney has a net worth of over $190 million but money can’t buy the type of knowledge, connections, and street cred that The Brain has. Hurricane Sandy did a number on the residents of New York. Because of his ties with the Brooklyn Brawler he could have gone right into the heart of Brooklyn, talked to the people, and made an immediate impact. How’s he going to fix the economy? I don’t know, how about he asks his friend “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase. I think he knows a thing or two about finances and being successful. You think The Brain is going to be fazed when someone throws him a curveball about keeping up with foreign relations? Please. Dude has it all on lock.

9. Delonte West – Millionaire. Check. Sex scandal. Just ask Lebron James Mom about this one. Check. Rides in Style. Dude has a Can Am Spyder. Check. I don’t believe for one second that there aren’t politicians in Washington that have done way worse things than Delonte West. Let’s get some swag in Washington!

8. Tie Domi – Ya I know that Tie Domi is from Canada but don’t get caught up in the small details. Obama wants to see change? Easier said than done. I do know, however, one way to get change and that’s by sheer force. Domi is third all time in career penalty minutes and was one of the best fighters ever. Here’s one of his many fights with Bob Probert. No way you can watch this and not think that he can get bipartisan support from everyone.

7. Rick Pitino (President)/Billy Donovan (VP) – If banging chicks that aren’t your wife is a prerequisite to being a politician then Rick Pitino was made for the job. Dude doesn’t even wait to get to a shadyball motel room to start getting busy, he gets after it in the restaurant like he’s Maverick and he’s going to go to town on Charlie in the bathroom. For all of you who are judging right now, those of us that haven’t committed adultery in a restaurant bathroom and then tried to cover it up by paying for the abortion may cast the first stone.

Politicians love to flip flop on issues and who better than the guy that decided to leave Florida to coach the Orlando Magic only to change his mind five days later. That’s the type of decisiveness that we need in office. Plus, Donovan and Pitino have a close relationship so we know they’d work well together.

6. Antoine Walker – He spent money recklessly, blew 110 million dollars in a short period of time, and has now had to declare bankruptcy. Sounds very similar to how the government is handling the National Deficit. There is no better teacher than experience so why not put ‘Twan in office and see if he can give a shimmy to the economy.

5. Dez Bryant – For fantasy football owners there are high expectations and very inconsistent and disappointing results. That seems to fit in well with how a lot of political terms of office go. Throw in the fact that Bryant enjoys living life by his rules and you’ve got yourself a prime candidate for multiple terms.

4. William Green – Few sex scandals are as good as the one that he had with Cleveland Browns teammate Kevin Johnson’s wife. Rumor has it that he got caught practicing making babies with Kevin Johnson’s wife and had to run out of Johnson’s house half naked. Before confronting him Johnson slashed Green’s tires. Green was later arrested for DUI while wearing only half his clothes and having a flat tire. Johnson’s wife then called Green’s girlfriend and told her the story. Green’s girlfriend promptly stabbed him then the cops came over. They found weed in the house. If that doesn’t say Washington then I don’t know what does.

3. Rick Mirer – Heath Shuler is a politician and Mirer was a way better quarterback than him. Therefore Rick Mirer would be a better politician  Shuler was drafted 3rd overall in the 1994 NFL Draft and Mirer was drafted 2nd overall in the 1993 NFL Draft. Advantage Mirer. Shuler’s record as a starter in the NFL over four seasons was 8-14. Mirer lasted eight seasons and compiled a 22-44 record. Sure the win percentage is worse but if all you care about is wins and longevity then Mirer crushes him. See, that’s how you skew stats (which is an important trait for politicians).

2. Bobby Petrino – He may be more politician than most politicians out there. JFK liked to get a little strange on the side but no one has left a wake of destruction like Bobby Petrino. He has a sex scandal to his name which included a motorcycle accident, a 25 year old chick who he hired and paid cash to, getting fired from Arkansas, and he abruptly left coaching the Atlanta Falcons with three games left in the season (who does that). Plus, it’s not hard to take a look at this image of him after the crash and picture his wife by his side and him saying, “I’ve made some mistakes but I fully intend to make up for my wrongs and do more right for the American people!”

1. Mr.Perfect – I don’t think I even need to justify this as the dude could do everything. He was perfect. He is the opposite of what politicians are like as he actually delivers and never fails. It’s going to take someone special or dare I say perfect in order to get the United States out of a $16 trillion deficit. I do realize that Curt Hennig is no longer with us but his spirit is so strong that I’m sure he could still find a way to run the country from the grave. Watch this video and I guarantee you that this is a better political ad than anything you’ve seen the last few months.

What do you think? Who would make a “good politician”? Leave your thoughts in the comments section and we’ll posts the best ones on Facebook.

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Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.