The Miss Universe pageant is one of the few events out there that is actually less relevant than boxing. It is a night when American’s get to comment on and judge the hottest humans from the planet earth that aren’t Victoria Secret models, A B or C list actresses, or smokeshows that work as bartenders or bottle girls at clubs. Last night was a night for the ages as Miss Rhode Island, Olivia Culpo, channeled her inner Honey-Boo-Boo to beat out Australia and the Philippines to bring back the Miss Universe crown after 15 years. To put that into perspective, Juwan Howard had already played three years in the NBA the last time we won the title. Hopefully Cubs fans took some satisfaction in this victory.
We didn’t watch the pageant because Melo and the Knicks were playing Brooklyn but we love hearing the reactions from hater nation. Bitches be crazy ya’ll. The following tweets will give you a very good representation on the current health and landscape of America.
Somebody needs to feed them boney Miss Universe gals some biscuits. Here in Merica, we like 'em thick, with extra cushion for the pushin'.
— Cloyd Rivers (@CloydRivers) December 20, 2012
These Miss Universe bitches is too scrawny. I like em girls round, thick and juicy. #babygotback
— A+B (@blondre1) December 20, 2012
How is miss universe still a thing? The internet is brimming with free porn
— Dom (@thedomjohnson) December 20, 2012
Watching Miss Universe Pagent I mean sports with beer and steak at a strip club making fun of nerds and talking about big game hunting
— Big Slick (@Hotze56) December 20, 2012
Miss USA is the new Miss Universe?? Yep… Derek Jeter is definitely gonna bang that
— Rahsaan (@rahbiznyc) December 20, 2012
The Derek Jeter invitational is on. Or other wise known as The Miss Universe Competition
— Heff (@Mos_Heff) December 20, 2012
Miss Universe goes to Boston U., but Jeter will still tap her within a week.
— D-How (@TheDHowSpecial) December 20, 2012
This miss universe pageant make me feel like an ugly sack of potatoes Hahahahah
— Julieee ♡ HOLLAA (@julieannxoxo) December 20, 2012
I watched three minutes of Miss Universe and I saw the dude from Train and heard the phrase “having fun with it” 9 times. Gross.
— Peter Atencio (@Atencio) December 20, 2012
Okay all these girls on this miss universe pagent have gross looking bodies, im not tryna have sex with someone who's bones show
— Adam Johnson (@A2_theDAMM) December 20, 2012
"Can you believe I watch the whole miss universe swimsuit competition without getting a boner?!?" @natecary3
— Carly Bean (@Carlybethbean17) December 20, 2012
ate twice my body weight in chicken, wings and ribs. passed out on the couch watching miss universe, feeling all sorts of good about myself.
— s p a m (@pamstopeating) December 20, 2012
99.32% off the past miss universe have never eaten a chicken nugget.
— ryanswaze (@RyanSwaze) December 20, 2012
miss universe 2012, while im getting fat eating chicken in a biskit crackers #dontcare
— Brooke Horton (@brooke_horton12) December 20, 2012