Bachelor parties. They are awesome and I’m having one in less than a week. Me and 13 other bacon loving, jersey rocking, sports junky friends of mine are going to Charlotte to attend the Coca-Cola 600 and thanks to Nascar we are having the Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party. Let me fill you in on some of the details.
I got engaged to my #imaunicorn fiance a few days after the Bacon, Sports & Beer Celebration, which was right before Thanksgiving. With so much going on it was the perfect timing. She had no idea it was coming. I learned from Teddy KGB’s mistakes. I didn’t tip my hand. Naturally one of my first thoughts after this was what can we do to throw an awesome bachelor party. Something better than just going to Vegas, which we’ve done before. Something that involves sports and partying and having an insane amount of fun. That’s when the idea of the Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party hit me.
I’ve been to a NASCAR race before (a night race at Bristol) so I know how amazing live racing is as well as how crazy and fun the party can be. Many of my friends are city folk that live in Chicago and they are big sports fans but don’t really follow NASCAR. I knew that if they went to a live race it would forever change their perception of NASCAR and how it would be way cooler than they ever could have imagined.
Now that it’s been decided that we are doing a NASCAR bachelor party we settle on the Coca-Cola 600 in Charlotte. It’s the longest race of the NASCAR year plus plus it’s over a long weekend. Winner winner chicken dinner.
In order to truly make this the Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party we need to add some extra doses of awesomeness to really make it pop. That’s why I reached out to some fantastic people who work with NASCAR and pitched them the idea of an Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party. Too much of our delight NASCAR was bout it bout it and they are going to be hooking us up on the day of the race with an awesome NASCAR experience that is going to be unlike anything we’ve ever experienced before (more on that later).
Leading up to, during, and after the bachelor party I’ll be dropping content related to the awesomeness of racing. NASCAR is way cooler than you realize and if you are a sports fan that gets down like we do then you should probably get down with NASCAR too.
To kick off Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party week I figured I’d start by doing a breakdown of one of my favorite racing movie ever, Days of Thunder. Freaking Cole Trickle. He always goes to the high side.
Days of Thunder is a young Tom Cruise crushing it. It is the Top Gun of racing. I have the need, the need for speed. Days of Thunder satisfies all those needs and it also gives us the greatest racing scene in cinema history. I am talking of course about the rental car scene where Cole Trickle and Rowdy Burns do what ever man on this planet would love to do. Race your intense rival in a demolition derby style showdown on the beach and through the streets, disregarding all rules and pretty much everyone else on the planet, all in a rental car just for the glory of winning. Take a look at the video to relive this moment of big screen racing awesomeness.
Now time for the breakdown.
At this point in the movie Cole and Rowdy are anything but friends. They have the chemistry of a blender and a ninja star. They have such big egos that neither of them will let the other drive the rental car. To settle this dispute and see once and for all who is the hottest shit they decide to get a second rental car.
Patriot Car Rental. That’s a great name. It shows they love America, are Hulkamaniacs, and give 4-star service. I like them already. Also, if you look in the background there is a hotel sign that says “ESPN.” Since Days of Thunder came out in 1990 that hotel was advertising that it had ESPN on cable TV. Yes, we once lived in that world.
These are the two souped up rides that Cole and Rowdy are heading into battle with. Both an American made Ford Taurus (as if Patriot Car Rental rolled any other way). This kinda racing isn’t about the car. It’s about the will to have total disregard for anything but winning.
Goose was such an influence on Maverick. Cole is just keeping up with foreign relations.
Say hello to the least likable NASCAR exec ever. He makes Kendrick Perkins look like a spring break wet t-shirt contest.
Picture this: you are riding your bike on the beach and all of a sudden two cars come roaring past you crushing some birds and nearly killing you. That just happened to this guy. No one is ever going to believe him.
At this point Cole and Rowdy have found a way to not only get off the street but take this death race to the inner workings of the beach. How this environment is even an option in these guys minds I have zero clue. Somewhere in their convoluted reality they thought that the logical thing to do was head for the water. Maybe it’s a degree of difficulty thing. I don’t know.
As a rule of thumb, if a movie has a chase scene in which two cars ram each other in the ocean then I’m all about it.
By the way, this scene needs to be turned into a company immediately. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t shell out $200 to be able to go on a demolition derby race in the ocean with one of your friends. Liability schmiability. Holla at me Shark Tank.
Nothing like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes while waiting to eat dinner. Makes me miss the days of smoking on airplanes being legal. Take back your freedom.
At this point Cole has Rowdy pushed to the outside and in some pretty deep ocean water. It’s a testament to their unbelievable driving skills that they can fly through the ocean like this with limited visibility and it not really effect their driving.
Rowdy recovers enough to get right on Cole’s back bumper. If you ain’t rubbin’ you ain’t racin’! Their commitment to try and commit vehicular manslaughter is amazing.
This is a good look at the real estate that Cole and Rowdy had to work with. Now that I see it from this angle I totally understand why they held this race at the beach. There’s tons of room, no people to run over other than that guy on the bike, and the added element of trouble with the ocean really gets your juices flowing. Maybe NASCAR should think about adding more water hazard races.
After running into each other a few more times the action goes to the streets where all regard for traffic laws continues to be optional. It looks like they are outside of a mall, which compared to an empty beach is probably the last place you’d want to death race your friend due to the number of cars and people around. Cole remains slightly in the lead.
A new element of danger is added to our death race. Say hello to Big Daddy Cool Diesel.
The level of commitment to winning Cole is displaying by playing chicken with the big rig is unmatched. Even Tim Tebow is impressed.
Look at that amazing maneuvering by Cole. He executes a flawless pass and to avoid certain death he veers onto the sidewalk and then unbelievably speeds up and passes Rowdy on the high side (typical Cole). As amazing as that was for Cole it is equally as disappointing for Rowdy. The coast was clear for Rowdy to put the petal to the metal and launch off that bridge Dukes of Hazzard style and take the victory. Instead he froze in the moment and either slowed off the gas or at the very least did not go all out to capitalize on the moment (which seems highly unlikely considering they were willing to wreck each other seconds earlier). There’s just no way that a driver the calibre of Rowdy would not capitalize off of this but amazingly he doesn’t. This is the ultimate choke.
The race ends and the rental cars are properly returned to Patriot Car Rental. The fact that they actually made it back to the rental car store is a testament to American made cars. They can withstand anything. Even more amazing is that Patriot Car Rental has employees wear red and black tuxes with bow ties. Talk about 4-star service!
After going through the most epic death race ever and surviving, Cole and Rowdy go all Bud Selig and determine that it’s a tie?!?!? “Too close to call” my ass. These are two of the most competitive humans on the face of the earth and somehow they can’t determine who won? These guys raced to see who could push the elevator button first. They just put their life on the lines to get to this meeting first and win. I call shenanigan’s. Someone get E:60 on this to find out what really went down at the end of the race that Cole and Rowdy aren’t telling us.
The only sign that any of the people at this meeting even remotely like one another. Just an overly touchy feely shoulder arm rub.
Take notes Johnny Manziel, when you start showing up late and pissing off authority this is what happens. For Cole it was “car trouble”, for you it might be “club girl took my playbook.” Whatever.
Like Stone Cold Steve Austin coming out of no where and saving the WWF with a pool cue and a whole lotta Stunners, Rowdy saves Cole by saying “the radiator.” Participating in a felonious death race against your intense rival and not killing yourself or anyone else can give you a new perspective on life. Maybe Rowdy has gotten soft since Cole’s epic pass on the bridge. Whatever the reason Rowdy feels the need to stick up for Cole. Say hello to your newest tag team, the Radiators.
Feeling all cocky now that he shoved it in the NASCAR exec’s face, Cole channels his inner Maverick and remembers the time when Kazanski had a problem and thought that Mav was too dangerous. He thinks back to that aggressive chomp that Iceman did with his teeth. Cole does that same thing except with a piece of crisp celery. “That’s right NASCAR…I am dangerous!”
And with that chomp Cole and Rowdy close the chapter on what is without a doubt the greatest rental car race scene in the history of movies. I can only hope that my Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party experience goes down like this.
You can follow our Ultimate NASCAR Bachelor Party and contribute ideas by using #nascarbachelorparty on Twitter. We’ll be creating content all week leading up to the Coca-Cola 600 and documenting the awesomeness that goes down the three days we are there. Hit us up on Twitter @BaconSports if you are going to be down in Charlotte or if you want to help contribute to the awesomeness.[related-posts]