Hitting the Fantasy Football Waiver Wire with the family from Step by Step

fantasy-football-week-8 “Step by step, day by day. A fresh start over, a different hand to play. Only time will tell, but you know what they say. We’ll make it better. Second time around.”

Flanked by TGIF powerhouses Family Matters and Perfect Strangers, Step by Step entered ABC’s Friday Night lineup renewing the premise that made The Brady Bunch successful before it: A Handsome divorcee with three rambunctious children impulsively marries a hot widow with three well-mannered children of her own and they all live together in Wisconsin. Television gold, right?

Right. The show never won any awards, the episodes aren’t available on DVD, and, as of October 7^th, 2013, you need The Hub Network to see it in syndication. Despite all of this, Step by Step remains one of the greatest shows from the early nineties. Why?

The cast. Take away Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers, and people barely knew who these thespians were. You had 6 relatively unknown children meshing as a group, each with their own back stories and episodes dedicated to them. Kind of like a fantasy football team, right? (See what I did there?)

Let’s hit the Waiver Wire and meet the cast of Step by Step, and assuming you have a FAAB budget of $100 for your in-season roster moves, here’s what you should expect to pay to get these TGIF studs on your roster.

Frank Lambert – $20

Frank Lambert (Patrick Duffy AKA Bobby Ewing) was the kind of guy who could bail on his three kids following his divorce from their mother, head down to Jamaica, and snag Suzanne Somers quality pelt while on that vacation. Nice. For that alone, Frank Lambert is worth the $20 you’re going to have to spend to outbid your league mates for his services.

Carol Foster – $18

Name another 67 year old woman who is this hot? You can’t. Spend the $18 bucks and put her in your lineup until her hip breaks, which it won’t, because she has dominated the Thighmaster for twenty plus years. Boom.

Alicia “Al” Lambert – $14

Whether she was tormenting Dana or asking Carol to help her shop for a bra (instead of her own mother for some reason), Al didn’t catch your eye with her big, baggy flannels and backwards hats. But it’s her late series development into a stone cold fox that makes her worth the price. Pay and stash her for the fantasy playoffs.

Dana Foster – $12

Dana was the show’s bitch and pretty much made it impossible for Frank and his family to settle in and make the best of a strange situation. From a waiver wire perspective, she is the Kansas City Chiefs defense. Pay early on, plug in, and set your watch to the consistency.

JT Lambert – $8

I guess JT was supposed to be cool because he was the only teenage boy in the house, but he hung out with losers, seemingly never had a girlfriend, and was constantly outwitted by Fosters. If you lost Eddie Winslow or Robbie Sinclair to injury, JT would be a suitable replacement.

Mark Foster – $5

At the height of Urkel-mania, Mark Foster was supposed to be his white equivalent. However, he lacked his own dance, catch phrase, coloring book, board game or talking doll, but I guess he was a nerd. Well played ABC.

Karen Foster – $2

The middle Foster child looked and acted different than her siblings. She thought she was way prettier than she was frankly. I have a feeling that she might have been adopted.

Brendan Lambert – $1

Did this frickin kid ever actually do anything? I want to say there was an episode where he was afraid of the dark or something, but his claim to fame on the show was for stealing Mark’s ice cream in the opening credits. Pass.

Cody Lambert – $40

AH HA! Finally, the big game player. Cody (Sasha Mitchell), introduced to the world as a guest star during season one and wisely made a full time cast member for seasons two through five, was a ridiculously awesome character. He lived in a van, spouted wisdom that applied to whomever he was talking to, and unsuccessfully courted Dana throughout his five seasons. He even got in a bar fight for her.

How come all of those biker looking dudes were also ninjas? Cody will lead your squad to the promised land. He is the playoff lottery ticket. Pony up.

Here are your Week 8 Plays and Stays:

Cole Beasley, WR Dallas Cowboys

Apparently, every team in the NFL, at some point or another, heads to a special farm where white wide receivers under six feet tall are groomed to play the slot. The Cowboys went there recently and came back with Cole Beasley, a second year player out of SMU.

Beasley has been extremely active in the ‘Boys offense of late, securing fourteen of sixteen targets for 144 yards and a touchdown. In a likely shootout with the Detroit Lions, who are allowing the sixth most points to opposing WRs, I expect Beasley to continue his impressive work in the flats and give fantasy owners around 70 yards and a touchdown. His career high for yards in a game is 68, so this is bold. PLAY

Giovani Bernard, RB Cincinnati Bengals

Cincinnati promised this offseason that their new rookie toy was going to get heavy usage. He has carved out a nice little role for himself, handling the ball twelve or more times in the past five games (not surprisingly Cincinnati is 4-1 in those games).

I warn owners to look elsewhere this week for strong fantasy numbers, as the NY Jets front seven has been an impenetrable wall all season, allowing the sixth fewest fantasy points to opposing running backs. They have not allowed a rusher to reach 75 yards on the ground yet, so you have to pray for a rushing touchdown for your RB to have a useful day against these Jets. STAY

Maurice Jones-Drew, RB Jacksonville

How much of a headache has MJD been this year? Probably not as big as the headache Shawne Merriman gets here, but still, a fantasy nightmare. I firmly believe this is the week MJD gives us one of those classic lines that endeared him to fantasy owners around the globe a few seasons ago. San Francisco has been a different defensive unit this year and they are no longer a team you automatically sit your players against.

This game is also being played in London and while I do expect the 49ers to firmly control this game, I expect Jacksonville will keep it close for at least a half. MJD is going for one hundred total yards and a score this week. Possibly more. PLAY

Follow me on Twitter @BernacK6.