On Saturday March 30th the Pittsburgh Penguins and New York Islanders were shredding some ice when Sidney Crosby took a puck off the face and crumpled like the Pirates playoff chances in the second half of last season. With Crosby out of the lineup indefinitely with a broken glass jaw the aquatic flightless birds streak ended at 15, two shy of the NHL record for consecutive wins. Unlike the sympathy I felt when I saw Kevin Ware go down, I did not feel the same for Cindy.
I have no love for Pittsburgh teams, this is no secret. In all honesty I loathe Sidney Crosby for a pretty childish reason: his elite skill set combined with who he plays for. This is not jealousy, it’s a strong dislike of everything Pittsburgh sports based on them owning my teams growing up and yes, there is a difference.
I hate him because he’s so good and plays for Pittsburgh, simple as that. He’s that neighborhood kid who you were always clowning on because he had new rollerblades every summer, but you still picked him first when choosing teams for street hockey because he was better than everyone else and had a wicked wrister for a 12 yr old.
He’s Canadian bacon. Literally, he’s the human form of Canadian bacon (plus he’s actually Canadian for those of you who are completely clueless). Sure it sounds good in theory, “Ooooh a new bacon format”. Hell, you might even know some confused souls who like it, but for the most part everyone dislikes it and knows it’s really just churched up ham. Seriously, stop messing with my bacon Canada, I play for keeps.
If he was on any other team in the league I’d look at him with respect and awe much like I do Lebron, Pujols, or Peyton Manning or how we looked at Bird, Griffey, and Montana. But alas, he’s a Penguin, which automatically puts him into that “love to hate him” group instead of “hate to love him”. It isn’t even his fault he’s a Penguin, but for some reason I feel justified in hating him. To me, he’ll never be on the level with Lemieux or Jagr but he’s just as easy to root against.
Crosby was just named player of the month for March and here’s why: he led the league in points with 25 (19 assists, 6 goals) and helped lead his team in becoming the first squad to ever put together a perfect month in NHL history. Read that again, and if you’re like me, let the hate soak in. Marinate in it. Pittsburgh has enjoyed way too much sports success in recent years and it’s time for things to even out for the rest of us professional peons. (The Pirates don’t count, just ask a yinzer.)
Sports Gods, if you read the Internet please feel free to treat this broken jaw like one of his trademark concussions and keep him out for an extended period of time. I just can’t stand the site of seeing the Penguins raise the cup again. Love you, mean it.
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