Sports

Your 2013 NFL Mock Draft Sucks!

By March 25, 2013 No Comments
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nfl-mock-draftsSince 1984, Mr. Mel Kiper Jr. has been providing statistical NFL draft analysis for ESPN. Since then, draft experts, scouts, media analysts, your neighbor Frank, and almost anyone who covers or enjoys American football has been publishing mock NFL drafts. And as you can imagine, Jean-Luc the hockey guru (who was asked by his editor to write a mock draft because it will attract more readers) has no clue what he’s doing. If you’re like Jean-Luc, your 2013 NFL mock draft sucks!

April promises of budding dogwoods, furry rodent newborns, and three days of NFL draft coverage. That’s right, the first round starts Thursday; the final round ends Saturday. Oh, and there are a grand total of seven rounds. Not seventy, seven. Three days = seven rounds. That’s even less necessary and efficient than Kim Kardashian’s brain. For perspective, Major League Baseball completes forty rounds in three days.

Regardless, I love the draft. Discovering that Joe Schmo predicts a top 5 talent will drop to the Pittsburgh Steelers at slot 17 gets me jacked up.

I’ve read many, many mock drafts since the NFL season ended and maybe 10% of them have been worth reading past pick #7. You mean three weeks ago you had Damontre Moore as your highest rated outside linebacker and now he’s out of the 1st round!? Your draft sucks. In February you had Johnathan Hankins going 14th overall to the Carolina Panthers and now he’s a 3rd rounder!? Your draft sucks. You have any QB not named Geno Smith in the Top 5?! Move to Canada.

To be fair, the NFL Scouting Combine in February has some influence on how prospects rise and fall. Hence, a person’s late January mock draft will look different than their early March edition. But if you drop someone a round and a half because he’s an offensive lineman and didn’t run a fast 40 yard dash, you’re an idiot. Or maybe you don’t know how to evaluate football talent in the first place. Doesn’t matter, your opinion is worth about as much as a share of GM stock in early 2009.

There are three problems that I see with most NFL mock drafts.

Problem #1: You didn’t watch the majority of college football games in 2012. It’s ok. Most of us, me included, can’t dedicate endless hours of our weekend to watch television let alone stay up until 2:00 AM Central Time to see Hawaii play Nowhere State University.

Problem #2: You don’t have access to scout-quality game film but who does? Even if you did, no one is paying you to analyze it for 8-10 hours per day, unless you’re Ron Jaworski.

Problem #3: 95% of your talent rankings are taken from other “experts.” Remember the scene in Good Will Hunting where Will berates the douchebag with a pony tail because he has no original thoughts or arguments of his own? That’s what I’m getting at. No one was even thinking about defensive tackle Sharrif Floyd in the top 20 until NFL Network analyst Mike Mayock ranked him as a top 5 prospect just before the combine. Afterward, about 75% of mock drafts on the web made Floyd the second or third overall pick. I’ve even seen him going to teams that need a run-stuffing nose tackle in a 3-4 defense. He’s under 300 lbs and would get mauled trying to fill two gaps in the run game. But since everyone else has him going that high, you’re totally justified. And if you don’t know what the last few sentences mean, you probably shouldn’t publish a mock draft in the first place.

In spite of everything written above, people still read amateur mocks drafts for fun. Yes, that includes yours truly. We do it for the same reasons we love opening presents. The gift may be a Cleveland Browns Tim Couch jersey but who cares? The anticipation is everything. So keep those mock drafts coming people. America can’t get enough.

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