Like all of you, we here at T-Shirts.com are sports-obsessed. Most of the time we’re impressed by the athletic prowess of the participants, but we all know some of the most memorable moments in sports are the blunders. Below are eight well-known “oops” moments in athletics that truly could have benefited from more bacon. Why? If coupled with a hefty serving of the king-of-meats, perhaps these situations may have turned out differently…after all, bacon makes everything better!
1: Rocky Balboa vs Apollo Creed – Rocky
We didn’t say fiction was out of bounds! Plus, is it really fiction when everyone (and we mean everyone) knows Rocky at this point?
Having had a good friend who worked in a meat-packing facility, Rocky presumably had access to enough bacon to last an entire year! But clearly he didn’t eat enough of it before his fight with Apollo Creed in the original Rocky. There would have been no need for a split decision in that climactic match had he simply said “Yo Adrian, bring me some bacon!”
After five more Rocky movies, though, we get the point… he clearly made a serious change in his dietary regimen since the first film, and has been bathing in bacon for over 35 years now.
2: Kenny Powers’ Career – Eastbound & Down
Kenny Powers’ professional baseball career in Eastbound & Down goes something a little like this: Awesome, then no longer awesome. Not coincidentally, his bacon consumption follows the exact same curve. In the first episode he clearly made bacon a large part of his life. Cue the dramatic, heartbreaking, bacon-less decline.
We sure are hoping this guy goes back to what he knows and loves! Bacon: better than drugs, hookers, or baseball.
3: Shaquille O’Neal’s Foray Into Self-Branded Products
Those among us who have had the bizarre experience of playing the 1994-released video game “Shaq Fu” can agree that Mr. O’Neal was neglecting a certain bacon-ee element to his diet when the decision to create that game was made. Same goes for the entire team over at Electronic Arts! What were you thinking?
While we’re at it, we might as well back it up a year and say that Shaq has needed more bacon since 1993 when he released the album “Shaq Diesel.” Though “Where Ya At?” is a pretty decent single, it’s probably worth no more than the dollar you could pay for the whole CD – and don’t even get us started on the movie “Kazaam.”
Oh how we long for the glory days when Shaq did what Shaq did best: dunking. (This applies both to dunking a basketball, and dunking a thick slice of bacon in a frosty mug of beer.)
4: Adrian Peterson’s Most Recent ACL/MCL Injury
From what our researchers have gathered, Adrian Peterson is part bacon. Potentially even full. Which is why we were extra shocked at AP’s nasty injury back in 2011. Perhaps it was a most unfortunate side effect of skipping strictly regimented breakfast of 4-5 egg whites, whole-grain pancakes, and low-fat bacon!
On the bright side, this oops moment has a happy ending and in just ten months, leaning primarily on a steady, bacon-only, no-movement, no exercise diet (sounds like a diet worth trying!), AP returned to show NFL fans that Minnesota has at least one amazing athlete you can stomach!
5: Pau Gasol’s Physique
Even an amateur can see that Pau Gasol is in serious need of bacon. Notice the awkwardly cocked-back right wrist and the passionate NOWWWW escaping his mouth? One of the easiest cases we’ve ever had to diagnose. At least Memphis management soon caught on and they fed him plenty. Thankfully this sizzling secret to his success must have been leaked to Los Angeles management as well.
6: Anderson Silva Knocks Out Vitor Belfort
Sure, Anderson Silva knocked Belfort out. And perhaps it could be because Belfort didn’t consume enough pig strips in the morning (or afternoon), but this is about something else….much like with Rocky, it’s about how much better the KO could have been.
With just a few more strips, we don’t doubt that Anderson could have taken Belfort’s head clear off! As intense as that moment would be, we would definitely spring for ringside seats to witness it. And if little strips of honey-glazed bacon fell from the rafters instead of confetti, well you certainly wouldn’t hear us complaining!
7: President Obama Nails Every Shot…
All politics aside, the message on this day was clear. Crystal clear. This bipartisan basketball fail was a moment that could only have been made more tolerable slathered in thick-cut, peppery pig back. Everyone has their athletic off days, but two for twenty-two? A diet modification may be in order here.
8: Kirk Gibson’s 1988 Hobbled Home Run
Had to end the list on an uplifting note, and this is arguably one of the best oops to awesome moments in sports history. To go from having a stomach virus and two injured legs, to a home run in the World Series? That was a moment of pure, unadulterated bacon-ation.
We heard a rumor that Gibson actually wiped bacon grease on his hamstring and his knee before whipping out that famous game-changer. (We also heard he rubbed it on his teammates’ hamstrings and knees for no particular reason. No judgement here bud!)
Dennis Eckersly…clearly not enough bacon in the system.
This article was written by Matthew Lexcen of T-Shirts.com. Matt’s ideal bacon/sport combination doesn’t include playing sports, but rather mowing down on the salty super food while watching SportsCenter nestled in a tee from his favorite team.