The Super Bowl is near and if there could be a live feed from Peyton Manning’s brain straight to the boob tube the ratings would be off the charts. Here are 5 non-overdone things on Peyton Manning’s mind this week.
1. I wonder if Curtis Painter will be cheering for me?
Behind every great quarterback, there is a backup that gets zero love. During a small portion of Peyton’s Indianapolis era, Curtis Painter was the backup on the sideline with the flowing blonde mane. Sure, he only played behind Peyton for a couple of seasons, but Painter’s brief tenure as a Colt will not soon be forgotten. At 0-8 as a starter, Painter cemented his status as backup you’d most likely want to face if you’re an opposing defense.
So, to answer Peyton’s question, yes, Curtis Painter will definitely be cheering for #18 on Sunday. Watching someone else start the biggest game in football sure beats playing in it. Well, if you’re Curtis Painter, that is. You go, Curtis Painter!
2. Who do I have to pay off to recall all of the Skittles on the shelves in New Jersey retail outlets this week?
If you’ve been following the Super Bowl story lines at all this year (and I’m guessing you have if you’re reading a blog that includes offbeat sports trivia), then you know how much a certain someone likes Skittles. How devious it would be for Mr. Manning to eliminate any chance of that someone getting his sideline fix during this week’s big game. Muahahaha! Welcome to the mind of evil genius, Peyton Manning. Don’t let that southern drawl and “aw shucks” attitude fool you, this guy is a superhero villain waiting to happen. Side note: anyone ever wonder why Peyton has a thick southern accent and Eli sounds like a normal person? So many questions.
3. Which awesome 80s song should I feature in my next Papa John’s commercial?
If there is one key takeaway from this past year, it is this: Peyton and Papa love the 80s, specifically the musical stylings of Men Without Hats. It’s not enough to feature an imposter DeLorean wannabe in your epic pizza commercial these days, you need the right tune to set the mood. For me, nothing says “I want some crappy delivery pizza” like hearing Kim Carnes blaring in the background. Yeah, I’m talking “Bette Davis Eyes.” I propose a pepperoni pizza featuring two mysterious pieces of pepperoni, with black olives as irises, staring directly at the camera whilst Peyton and the Papa dream their way back to 1981. Now, that would sell some pizzas!
4. I’m so happy I got to keep my DirectTV commercial wardrobe.
Let’s face it, there are few things in this world better than football on your phone. There are even fewer things better than pseudo-mullet wigs, red Michael Jackson jackets and Eli Manning hypothesizing about footballs getting down with phones. It would be ludicrous to believe that Peyton isn’t supremely proud of the work he and his baby bro did in his DirectTV commercial last year. It would be criminal to believe that we, as a society, weren’t grateful for said commercial. I’m still waiting on Peyton and Eli to remake Kris Kross’s rap anthem, “Jump,” or would that be wiggida wiggida wiggida wack?
5. Does this helmet make my neck look fat?
Too soon? I can’t fully take credit for this one. I’ll admit, a friend threw this one at me with a tighter spiral than Peyton has thrown since 2010. But he still broke the all-time TD record this year, so joke’s on us!
Peyton Manning has a lot on his mind this week as he prepares for his third Super Bowl. Aside from his next business venture, I’m sure he has a certain outspoken, dreadlocked cornerback on his mind. Regardless, I’m pretty pumped to watch the chess match that will feature league’s best offense against the league’s best defense. And for the record, your neck looks great, Peyton![Image via]