Sports

Reading Between the Headlines

By December 28, 2011 No Comments

We were starting a new feature where we’ll look at some of the top sports headlines from the last week and tell you what the headline really means.

  • Titans’ Munchak: ‘No Interest’ in Penn State Job – Do you think I’m crazy? No way I’m going to coach for the school that hired a pedophile. At this point the only person that I can think of that would take this job would be R.Kelly.
  • Kris Humpries is most disliked NBA player, survey says – According to your girlfriend and her friends Kris Humphries is a jerk. Had this been an actual survey of sports fan who aren’t from Cleveland (who would skew this towards Lebron James) this would say “Chris Bosh is most disliked NBA player”. Think about it, name one person that you know that likes him. Even Philip Rivers is more likeable than Bosh.
  • Deion’s wife reportedly found out about divorce online – Deion Sanders wants to get some strange and because he’s Deion Sanders and has never had to be accountable to anyone he can do what he wants and sent his wife packing without telling her. I assume that this is business as usual for professional athletes.
  • Kobe Bryant’s wife files for divorce – Remember when Kobe “allegedly” raped someone in Denver? His wife still does. As White Sox announcer Hawk Harrelson says, “He Gone”!
  • Orlando drug-sniffing dog named ‘Tebow’ busts drug smuggler – Since Tim Tebow can walk on water some cop thought it would be a great idea to name his dog Tebow in the hopes that he could make miracles happen. Amazingly one did happen when the dog was able to bust some drug smuggler. I give this cop a zero for originality. A more appropriate name for the dog would have been Doc Gooden. Imagine reading “Orlando drug-sniffing dog named ‘Doc Gooden’ busts drug smuggler”. Now there is a headline!
Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.