Colt McCoy is starting his first NFL game since 2012 on Monday night! And zero people not named Colt McCoy are thrilled about it. Hell, even the ‘Skins must be dreading the idea of a Romo-McCoy match-up. But start he likely will, and I think it’s hilarious! Speaking of, here are a few sports-related things that are even funnier than the idea of Colt McCoy taking the helm against the ‘Boys.
1. Madison Bumgarner’s Name
Everything about his name is amazing. Madison brings to mind Tom Hanks’s mermaid friend from Splash. Bumgarner’s root word is “bum.” What’s not to love there? There’s enough potty humor in that name for an early 90s Adam Sandler film. “Miss Lippy’s car is green.” What’s not so funny is his pitching, especially when it comes against the Pirates in the NL Wild Card game. Why, yes, I am still bitter. And so is Henry Rowengartner, who wants his name back.
2. Academics for NCAA Football Players
Add Notre Dame and UNC to the laundry list of schools with academic scandals surrounding their football teams. You know what would be awesome? If colleges actually cared about their student athletes enough to make them do work to graduate. I guess the phrase student athlete is a bit outdated nowadays. Let’s call them athletes who happen to be enrolled at universities from now on.
3. LeBron’s Paleo Diet
Move over, Gwyneth, we got a new trendy eater in town. As we all know by now, LeBron went paleo this summer to shed some unwanted poundage for beach season. Little did he know he’d be shedding more than lbs. Dignity comes to mind as one of the things lost after LBJ’s latest display of lameness. That said, I’m sure I’ll be eating my farm-to-table words when he figures out how to actually fly this season and throws down 360 dunks like it’s his job. Well, it kinda is his job.
4. Peyton Manning Dancing
It just doesn’t get old. Second 15 where Wes Welker jumps in with a cowboy dance is one of finest moments I’ve seen in sports. I wonder if that was Molly-fueled like his Kentucky Derby performance.
5. The Oakland Raiders. All of them.
0-6 and showing zero signs of life. Adding insult to injury, Matt Schaub is the holder.
As funny a concept as it is that Colt McCoy is an NFL starter again, I think this list makes it look like the hour-long sinking scene in Titanic. C’mon, you know you love watching Peyton shake it to some country. You won’t admit it, but every time you hear Madison Bumgarner’s name on TV, you can’t help but snicker to yourself in the most middle school boy kind of way. I just laughed to myself writing that. Maturity.